And honestly, the process is daunting. I’d kill to skip past the awkward get-to-know-you parts of dating and jump straight into feeling comfortable like Savannah does with Camden. Feeling loved.
I’m not sure I’ve ever had that.
Because that type of love only comes with time. When two people have been together for months or more. After many late nights spent delving into secrets. Sharing a life together.
And I’ve definitely never had that. I kind of wonder if I ever will.
When my phone lights up on the nightstand, I reach for it quickly, confused about who would text this late. While it’s only ten thirty, most of my friends know that since my days start so early, I’m usually asleep by now.
Unknown number: Is it okay if Avery calls you?
I frown. Before I’ve figured out who’s texting, another message comes through.
Unknown number: She can’t fall asleep until she says good night to everyone who matters to her.
Oh my god. IsJJtexting me?
I navigate to the screen that details the caller information and tap the number. The last thing I want to do is make Avery wait.
“Hey.” JJ’s voice is quiet but surprised.
My stomach twists. I hate that I know him so well.
“Hi, is she there?”
“Yeah. Here, Avey. It’s Adeline.”
“Addie?” When her little voice fills the silent bedroom, my heart aches. “Are you coming home tomorrow?”
“Yeah, Avey girl. I’m just visiting some friends.”
“Okay. I just wanted to say good night and I love you.”
A sob threatens to burst its way out of me, but I bite my lip hard to keep it in. Dammit. Those simple words make me want to cry.Hard.
I was about her age when I finally began to understand that my biological father didn’t care to make an effort with us. The ache still lives inside me too. While I had a loving dad in Beckett, the rejection still hurt. There’s no pain like the kind that comes with realizing your own parent has chosennotto choose you. And that’s what Avery is going through. Her mother has chosen to walk away. I don’t knowwhat’s going on between Tabitha and JJ. I try like hell to remain uninformed of their personal lives. But there isn’t a world in which I would let my relationship with a man disrupt my relationship with my child.
Not that I ever plan on having one.
“I love you too, Avey girl. Why are you still awake?”
“Couldn’t sleep,” she grumbles, her breath ghosting over the microphone.
“How about you do me a favor? Try closing your eyes and thinking about good things.”
“Like what?”
I hum. “What is one thing you really love?”
“My daddy,” she says, her voice dripping with affection.
“Yeah, he’s a good daddy, isn’t he?” The words escape easily. JJ is as incredible with Avery as Beckett always has been with us. Regardless of my other feelings about him, I can acknowledge that.
“The best.”
“Okay, anything else you love?” I ask her. “What’s something you love to do?”
“I think I’d love skating, but it’s hard.”
