“Fuck.” The word is so quiet that I could almost make myself believe he saidduckif he hadn’t emphasized thatFsound.
“I’m sorry. You…” God, I sound like an asshole. Our father has given us everything, and here I am telling him I’m broken up about some man he had to step in for. A man who left a mess for him to clean up. “This was silly. You’re right. Avery is better off. We’ll all figure it out together.”
Clearing his throat, he grasps my hand. “You were the first person to ever call me Dad.” He offers me a tight smile, a little bit of moisture gathering in his eyes. “I guess I didn’t lump you in with Winnie and Finn because he never got that.Igot that name. You and I shared a bedroom when I moved into the old brownstone, did you know that?”
I nod. I’ve heard the stories many times.
“You were the cutest thing I’d ever seen. Sweetest little girl. You were two, and you were the first person in the house to take to me. Even before your mother or Finn. You were always happy to be in my arms. You never cried, and you were never fearful of this strange man who showed up one day. We—” His throat bobs. “We always had a special bond.”
Tears fill his eyes in earnest now, and I can’t help but tear up too.
“I don’t put you in that category with your brother and sister not because I love them any differently than you or the twins. All five of you are mine. Have been since the day I met you. But you were my first. You called me Dad and you made me a dad.”
He presses his tongue into his cheek, like he needs a moment to compose himself.
“So, Adeline, don’t you ever think you were not enough becausesome man didn’t choose you. Instead remember that this man has always chosen you. And I will choose you every day for the rest of my life. You tell Averythat.Or better yet, show her that she’s surrounded by all kinds of people who love her. So what if she only has one parent? Your uncles and aunts have loved you fiercely since day one. Family is not who you are born into; family is who shows up.”
With tears streaming down my cheeks, I suck in a hard breath. “I’m sorry, Daddy.” I throw my arms around him, practically knocking him off his stool, but he catches me. Because he always does. He always has.
And he always will. It’s time to stop wondering why a man I don’t even know didn’t choose me. Because two wonderful men have.
My dad squeezes me tightly and presses a kiss to my head. “You don’t ever have to apologize for having feelings. I have a lot of them,” he says with a wry laugh.
“You are the best man I know,” I tell him honestly. “I’m so glad Mom found you for us.”
He tilts his head back, trying to keep from crying.
“Let’s start over again,” I say, trying to lighten the mood. “Hi, Dad. What brings you here today?”
He looks at me, eyes shining, a smile on his face. “Holiday Skate is today, remember? I’m taking the boys so Winnie can relax.”
“And family always shows up,” I breathe out in understanding.
He nods. “Yes, they do.”
FORTY-FIVE
JJ
“But why couldn’t Addie comewith us?”
Antsy, I drum my fingers against the wheel as we pull up to a stoplight. I’m excited for time with my little girl and for family skate with all the guys, old timers and current players alike, along with their families. But Adeline and I have big plans tonight, and it’s hard to focus on anything but that. I’m desperate to make every detail perfect. I have to get at least one fucking thing right. We deserve this. We’ve earned this.
I glance in the rearview mirror at my little girl. She’s wearing her pink Langfield jersey over a white turtleneck. Her blond curls are in two braids that I’m damn proud of. I perfected the style after watching Adeline do them for years after practice. “She’s picking up Josie. She told you that.” And I’ve told her the same thing at least four times since we left the house.
Arms crossed, she looks out the window, pouting. “She’s supposed to be on our team, not Josie’s.”
I chuckle. Avery is just as possessive of Adeline’s time as I am. It’s adorable.
She absolutely would have come with us if we weren’t trying to hide how very much we’re settling into being exactly that: a team. We’ve taken Avery skating a few more times over thelast week so that she’s prepared for today, and I’m pretty sure she likes skating with Adeline more than me.
Honestly, Adeline has become such an integral part of Avery’s life that it makes sense that she’d be confused about why she isn’t with us. I wish she was with us just as desperately. I’ve reached for her across the center console at least three times, only to find air. It’s like she’s a ghost in the passenger seat. We’re both missing her.
But we’ll see her in less than a half hour, and then tonight, I’ll have her all to myself.
“Are you excited to sleep at Mimi’s tonight?”
My parents will be at Holiday Skate, and then they’ll take Avery home with them after. My dad helped me with tonight’s arrangements, so he knows what a big deal it is. He did something similar for my mom years ago, and Mom still gushes about it.
