She rolls her tear-filled eyes and, voice wobbly says, “No, that’s Avery.”
I shrug. “It’s different. She’s my daughter. I’ll do anything for her and I love that little girl more than life itself. But I choose you, Adeline. I love you. Loving Avery doesn’t change that. I have room for you both.”
With her lip clamped between her teeth, she nods. “I think I’m beginning to understand that.”
“Do you…” I shake my head. Why am I pushing my luck here? “Never mind.”
“Do I what?” Her voice is soft, her eyes warm. It’s enough to make me just a little brave. Hell, maybe a lot.
I swallow thickly, my anxiety ratcheting up. “Do you still not want kids?”
She shakes her head. It’s quick. Too quick. Like she wishes it weren’t the case.
My stomach rolls, but I manage to croak, “Okay.”
I don’t like it, but I’ll respect it. She didn’t ask for this. Avery may have been a surprise for me, but she was never an unwelcome one. I have to accept that this may be the issue we can’t overcome. I can fix many things—my career, my marital status—but Avery and I are a package deal, and I can’t change that. I wouldn’t. My daughter is part of me. And if Adeline doesn’t want that, then friendship it is.
Brows knit together, she searches my face. “Okay?”
Grasping her hand, I squeeze it. “Yes. Okay. I may wish things were different, but I’d never push this on you. Friends no matter what, right?”
She’s searching my face again, this time frowning, like she’s puzzling something out. “JJ,” she breathes, “Avery doesn’t count.”
I jolt, certain I’m not understanding her, despite how simple the words are. “What?”
“I don’t want my own kids. That’s the truth. But Avery doesn’t count. She’s—she’s part of you. She’s Avery.” An affectionate smile plays at her lips. “I love her and I’ll always be there for her. In whatever capacity I can be.”
A rush of hope floods me, and though I try to temper it, it swamps me completely. “Meaning if things were different with everything else, Avery wouldn’t be a deal-breaker?”
Her cheeks go this pretty rose color. “Avery sweetens any deal, JJ. But—” That smile turns into a grin. “This is all hypothetical because we’re just friends, right?”
I smile back stupidly. “Right.”
“Then hypothetically speaking, if things were different, when I say I don’t want kids, I mean I don’t want other kids. I’d want your kid,JJ.” With tears in her eyes and her fingers pressed to her lips, she whispers, “Iwantyour kid.”
The room brightens. Hell, the world does.
All that anxiety and worry fade, the stress lightens, and I swear I’m floating. She wants my kid. She loves Avery. And I can’t help but believe deep down that she still loves me too.
THIRTY-FOUR
ADDIE
My first officialweek as an NHL coach coincides with my last. Never would have seen that coming.
When Jarred Kane arrives, his excitement over being called up, especially over Dirk, is something to behold. JJ immediately takes him under his wing. They’re together constantly, talking strategy, running plays, watching tape. JJ works out with him. Prepares him. It’s impressive and I appreciate it.
Until I sign my deal, I’m not telling a soul, including JJ. But I can’t lie to him, so I avoid instead. If we’re not preparing for a game or playing, I spend most of my time in the gym. Fortunately, since I’ve been training with the guys during practice already, it’s not tough to slip back into my regular routine.
Still, this is the NHL, and I don’t just want to play, I want to dominate.
So despite how late we got in from D.C. last night, I’m up early to use our home gym. It’s in the basement and has every piece of fitness equipment imaginable. My favorite part, though, is the long-mirrored wall and cushioned rubber floor. It’s perfect for yoga.
I’m just settling in to stretch when my phone pings. Normally I ignore it while working out, but since I haven’t officially started, I swipe it up.
Savannah: Happy Sunday. Can’t wait to see you at the game tonight. Invite Scott!
I sigh. I have zero interest in inviting the man I went on one date with to an event where my entire family and basically everyone I’ve ever met will be. Theo James does nothing without a show. Even if the cowboy boots and hat aren’t an act.
