You watched as she paused for a second and then laughed.
“Okay, well, I’m glad we cleared that up.”
She picked up the coffee cup again and took another drink.
“I don’t mean it that way,” you said.
And you felt for a moment like you might actually split in two. That’s how intense the rift was inside you. But you swallowed it, and it hurt in your chest.
“I liked our time together,” you said. “When it was just me and you. And it’s a little weird having Sean back. He’s going through something. He’s changing. It’s a good thing, I guess. But it’s just…”
“Different,” she said.
“Yes,” you said. “That.”
She seemed calmer for a moment. The butter continued to move down the pancakes, and you couldn’t help but remember all the times she ate them in front of you, cutting up the stack like a tic-tac-toe board and eating three squares per bite, talking you through some astounding Serbian swear word. You could probably count on two hands the number of times you came here, but already they felt so precious.
“You know what I think?” she said.
Your throat was so tight now, you weren’t even sure you’d be able to speak. But somehow you managed a word.
“What?”
“I think you’re really uncomfortable right now.”
Food, you thought then.You have food in front of you.You stabbed one of the eggs on your plate and cut a bite, but you didn’t bring it to your mouth.
“I’m going to ask you something,” she said. “And I want you to tell me the truth. Can you please do that?”
You had a clear thought then, and though you tried to keep it at bay, it wouldn’t stay down.
This is the last time you will ever sit in this booth, it said.
Because when she asked you about your feelings, you would not be able to lie. It would just be impossible.
“Yes,” you said.
You tried to remember a few last details. The smell of the cheap coffee. The row of cars across the street, stretching into the darkness of the car lot. The bad nineties song that was playing.I want something else… to get me through this semi-charmed kind of life…
“There are messages on Sean’s phone,” she said.
“What?”
She didn’t even blink at your question.
“From some girl named Echo. I know I shouldn’t be looking at his phone, but he just leaves it out all the time and he’s been acting so weird.”
Your mind scrambled to turn around. This was not about you and your feelings. It was about Sean. You started talking before you were ready and your voice wobbled.
“Sean texts with a lot of people. You wouldn’t believe what some of those dudes on the diving team say. I feel like they’re all—”
She grabbed her coffee cup and spilled a little on the table.
“Here’s what I think, Case,” she said. “I think that Sean told you something. Something that you don’t want to tell me. AndI think I know what it is. But I can’t know for sure. And so, I’m sorry, but I need to ask you just to make sure I’m not crazy.”
“Diana,” you said. “Please.”
“Listen,” she said. “I still think Sean’s a good person, and it’s possible we can get past this. But I just need to know. Does the reason you’re not talking to me have something to do with him?”
