I leaned back against his arm.
“What’s that?”
“Give me my share of the money from Mamie’s funeral.”
“Okay.” He sighed. “There wasn’t too much left. But why now?”
“I have to buy a plane ticket to Syracuse.”
29
Daniel came downstairs and we explained everything as best we could.
We told my dad about Jonah, what he meant to both of us, and our desire to create a meaningful ceremony for him. I repeated what I’d told Daniel about the importance of funerals, and what I’d learned by working with him.
All the while, my father sat at the table, watching the two of us speak, sweeping his hair behind his ears and waiting for it to come untucked. His eyes shifted back and forth between us. Finally, when we were done with our pitch, he sat up straight and clasped his hands in front of him.
“Tess,” he said, “I’m really glad you shared this with me. Thank you for doing that. But you do realize I would have to be a crazy person to let you travel across the country on your own, don’t you?”
“No,” I said. “Actually I don’t realize that.”
“She wouldn’t be alone,” said Daniel.
My dad silenced him with a long stare.
“You dropped out of high school,” he said to me. “And it wasn’t that long ago that you seemed on the verge of a breakdown. Also, you’d be going there with an older guy who I don’t really even know. No offense, Daniel, but sleeping on my couch is one thing. Taking my daughter to New York is another.”
“To be fair,” I said, “I don’t know Daniel that well, either. He’s kind of a cipher.”
“Not helping,” said my father.
Daniel looked down at the floor.
“I understand your reasoning for all of this,” Dad said. “And I think it’s beautiful that you want to put together this kind of tribute. But, it sounds like you don’t have a plan yet. You don’t have an itinerary, or even a sense of what you want to do when you get to his hometown. Tess, how could I, in good conscience, send you on your way with a stranger and absolutely nothing in place? What the hell kind of father would I be?”
“The kind you’ve been the last two years,” I said.
He didn’t blink.
“That’s not who I am anymore,” he said.
I slumped against the wall of the kitchen and felt the oldwallpaper stick against my bare arms. I looked at Daniel, who seemed to be biting his lip.
“So where does that leave us?” I asked. “Everything is just shot down?”
My father looked surprised for a moment. He cocked his head.
“Of course not,” he said. “I’m sorry. I guess I haven’t been clear.”
“What are you saying then?” asked Daniel.
A little smile passed across my father’s lips.
“I’m saying, if you want to go, I’m going to have to come with you.”
30
Over the next few days, we put together the very beginnings of a plan. The more we talked about it, the more we agreed that we needed a better understanding of Jonah. If we were going to plan something with significance, we had to find out who he really was. Who he was when he wasn’t with us. So Daniel and I decided that we’d go to Jonah’s mom’s house and see what she could tell us about him.
