“You think so?”
“I know it. I’m positive.” The beach was starting to fill up; everybody wanted to get in one last day. “Mom?” said Alexa. “What do you think I should do about—” she couldn’t call himDad,butJacobseemed strange too. “About my father,” she said finally. She knew that Rebecca had been in touch with Jacob Thornhill to let him know about what happened the night of Cam’s accident and that Alexa needed some time. Rebecca had all of Jacob’s contact information for when (or if) Alexa was ready, and Alexa still had his card. “He didn’t seem terrible, you know. He seemed—nice. Sweet, even.”
“I believe it,” said Rebecca. “He wasn’t notnice. I loved him forgood reasons, a long time ago. He meant well, even when he was sick. But he was really sick for a really long time.”
“So what should Ido?”
Her mother’s eyes, behind her sunglasses, were inscrutable. “That’s up to you, Alexa. You’ll be eighteen soon. You’re in charge of your own destiny. No pun intended.”
“But should I call him, when I go out to L.A.? Should I see him?” (There had been talk of a Realtor, after all... and beyond that, maybe it would be nice to have a connection, starting out somewhere new. Afamilyconnection. Would it? Wouldn’t it?) Alexa watched a black Lab race toward the water after a ball. Dogs weren’t supposed to be on the beach at this time but the Lab looked so happy that Alexa hoped nobody said anything to the owner.
“I can’t decide that for you, Alexa. And even if I could, I wouldn’t know what to say. I mean, do I think you need to be careful, if you get in touch with him? Yes. Unequivocally, I do. I don’t want him to hurt you. Again. I guess I don’t want you to hope for too much.”
Alexa flexed her foot in the sand and examined her toenails. “Because maybe he hasn’t changed as much as he says he has.”
“Right.”
“But maybe he has.”
“Well, sure. Maybe he has. And even if he hasn’t completely changed—” Rebecca took a sip of her coffee. “Even if he hasn’t. Part of growing up is acknowledging not only our own imperfections, but everybody else’s imperfections too. And maybe even forgiving them.” Did Alexa imagine it, or did her mother’s voice catch? Alexa considered her mother’s words. They made sense. And she didn’t have to decide right this minute.
“Anyway,” Rebecca continued, “I’m sure this is a moot point because there’s no way you’re going to move so far away from me.Why would you leave all this?” She waved a hand to indicate the beach, the happy Lab, the surfers.
Alexa snorted. “A hundred reasons. This water isfreezing,you can’t even go in for more than three seconds without a wet suit. In California you can go to the beach year-round. And you won’t be alone. You have the Mom Squad! You have Daniel! You have Morgan!”
Sixth grade for Morgan, with lockers and (ugh, poor Morgan) changing for PE for the first time and the springtime overnight trip to Camp Kieve in May. Kids around Morgan would start vaping or being interested in the opposite sex (or the same sex) and life would get confusing and sometimes intolerable for Morgan, the way it did for everybody who had to go through the onerous process of growing up.
Alexa looked down the beach and saw two familiar figures walking toward her: Caitlin and Destiny. She steeled herself. She had hoped that she and her mom and Morgan could pretend they were on vacation somewhere far away, just this once. Just today. Every time she’d seen anyone who knew about her and Cam since Cam’s funeral she had had to endure their awkward condolences, or, worse, their bumbling attempts not to say Cam’s name at all.
Caitlin was wearing a two-piece with a bandeau top which actually looked really good on her, Alexa had to admit, even though she would never in a million years have picked that style for Caitlin. Destiny was wearing a Summer Sessions sweatshirt with the neck cut out,Flashdancestyle. Alexa was going to leave the jury out on the sweatshirt for a bit longer.
After they said hello Caitlin and Destiny stood there uncomfortably for a minute, looking down on Alexa and her mom. Finally Caitlin crouched on the sand next to Alexa and spoke to her.
“Hey,” she said softly. “I’m really glad we ran into you. I didn’t get a chance to talk to you after everything happened.” She waswearing sunglasses, so Alexa couldn’t see her eyes but her voice sounded shaky, as if she was about to cry. “But I am so, so sorry for what you’re going through. I thought a lot about what you said that night at Haley’s, I really did, and I think I”—she glanced up at Destiny—“Weowe you a big apology.” Destiny nodded her agreement.
“Thank you,” said Alexa. And then, truthfully, “That means a lot. It really does.”
There was a pause then, and Rebecca stepped into it and did that mom thing where she made conversation with the girls, asking them if they were excited about college (yes!) and when they were leaving (day after tomorrow!). Alexa zoned out, watching Morgan. Morgan wasn’t exactly setting the surfing world on fire, but every now and then she did catch a legitimate wave, and from this distance she looked almost graceful.
Maybe now that they were all moving on, she and Destiny and Caitlin didn’t have to be former friends any longer, or frenemies. Maybe they could just be friends.
Then Destiny’s eyes flicked over to Caitlin and she said, “I think we’re gonna bounce now.” Okay, Alexadidroll her eyes at that point, because nobody was saying “bounce” anymore, if anybody ever really was. But the eye roll was brief, and she kept it to herself, and she knew her own soul well enough to know that therein lay some redemption. “But we’ll text you later, okay? We should do something, before we go. Like the old days.”
“I’d like that,” said Alexa. “I’d actually like that a lot.” She didn’t meet her mother’s eyes because she knew they would be full of hope.
“Bye, girls!” said Rebecca, all hopped up on her Summer Sessions iced coffee. She stood up to hug both Destiny and Caitlin and Alexa thought,Okay, let’s not take it too far, Mom.
After Destiny and Caitlin had gone she thought about whatConfucius told her, via Cam,Wherever you go, there you are.It wasn’t the worst saying in the world, if you really thought about it.
“It was nice to see those girls again,” said Rebecca, sighing happily. “I’ve really missed them.”
Alexa let out a soft grunt in reply, because she’d missed them too.
The next night Rebecca and Morgan were going out to an early dinner with Mr. Bennett; Rebecca had told Morgan about him, and Morgan was uncertain but definitely curious. They’d go early, because school started the day after that, and Morgan had to do the important packing of the middle school backpack. Alexa was on the schedule at the Cottage, but she might try to meet up with them for dessert. Then again, she might not. She might give Morgan her own chance to get to know Mr. Bennett—Daniel, although thinking of him as Daniel seemed really weird—on her own terms, at her own speed.
Alexa heard her name and looked toward the sound. Morgan had beached her surfboard and was waving at Alexa, motioning her toward the water. Alexa rose from her chair. She knew she looked good in her bikini, and she could feel eyes on her, but that didn’t matter now as much as it had in the beginning of the summer.
Although, please. Of course itstill mattered.
