“What do you mean? You mean you’re not going as in you want to take a gap year?” Rebecca was against gap years but she tried really hard to be open-minded, the way Peter might have been.
“I turned down my spot.”
“Youwhat?” The background noise receded; it was as if bothRebecca and Alexa had gone into portrait mode, with everything around them slightly blurry and unimportant.
“I turned down my spot. I have a plan. I want to move to L.A.”
“By yourself?”
“Yes.”
“Absolutely not.”
“You can’t tell meabsolutely not. I’m almost an adult.”
“Yes I can. You’re not moving to L.A. No way, Alexa. No way. You shouldn’t have given up Colby without talking to me about it. We should have discussed this.” She couldn’t believe it! Alexa had taken her future, crumpled it into a ball, and tossed it in the garbage. How had Rebecca not known she’d given up her place at Colby? She’d been too distracted by her own life, that was how. She’d failed.
Rebecca watched the old Alexa rear up, the defensive, contemptuous Alexa, the one that these past weeks with Cam had mellowed and calmed, and this version of Alexa spit back, “Oh yeah? Well, you should have told me that you’re seeing someone!”
Rebecca felt herself flush. “What do you mean?”
“You are, right? If you’re not, feel free to deny it.”
Rebecca stayed silent.
“I knew it! I saw a text on your phone, in June. And ever since then it’s been clear that you’re sneaking around.”
Rebecca remained silent, marveling at Alexa’s abilities to turn the tables.
“Why didn’t you tell me, Mom?”
Rebecca sighed and wiped her fingers neatly with a paper napkin, one by one. “Lots of reasons,” she said. “For one thing, I didn’t know if it was something lasting. For another, you know him.”
“I do? Who is it?”
Here we go,thought Rebecca.From here on in there’s no going back.“Mr. Bennett. He teaches at the high school.”
Alexa looked horrified. “Mr. Bennett, myIntro to the Stock Market teacherMr. Bennett?”
“Former Intro to the Stock Market teacher.”
“Ew, Mom.Really?”
Rebecca held up her hand. “Maybe this is why I didn’t tell you. This reaction, right here.”
“I’m sorry!” said Alexa. “Sorry, I am. It’s just—I mean. First of all. Doyoucall him Mr. Bennett?”
“No. Of course not. Daniel. I call him Daniel, which is his name. I just called him Mr. Bennett because that’s how you know him. And I haven’t told anyone. I wasn’t sure if people would think it wasn’t long enough after Peter, or too long, or the wrong person, or what. I just didn’t feel like dealing with people’s questions, or comments. And Morgan—I didn’t think she was ready. Also, if you can believe it, Daniel’s ex-wife is Gina’s husband’s sister. It all just felt too close to home.”
Alexa winced. “Wet sleeping bag Gina?”
“Wet sleeping bag Gina. And I guess the final reason is that even in the middle of all of this, meeting someone new,laughingwith someone new, I still miss Peter.”
Alexa took a sip of her drink and then met Rebecca’s eyes. “I know,” she said. “I know you do. I do too.” She paused. “You know, I talked to Peter about not going right to college. Just before he died. I was thinking of it even back then, even before I started Silk Stockings.”
Rebecca was torn between feeling intrigued about that conversation and envious that it hadn’t been with her. “What did he say?”
“He was really supportive. I mean, he wasn’t like, yeah, gap year! Definitely! But he was willing to keep the conversation going. He was definitely willing to think about it. And then all of a sudden he was gone.” She gave a little shuddering breath thatagain called to Rebecca’s mind the eight-year-old with the self-portrait. “I miss him a lot too, Mom.”
