“It can be,” said Caitlin. “Anything can be a drinking game if you drink while you’re playing it.”
They repaired to the living room, taking their glasses and the bottle of triple sec with them.
“I’ll go first,” said Destiny. She looked to the ceiling for a moment, thinking. “Okay,” she said. “Ready. One. I have never been to China. Two. I made out with Shane Miller in ninth grade. Three. I cheated on my Spanish exam first semester junior year.”
“Okay, wait,” said Caitlin. She had knocked back her entire serving of triple sec and was already looking bleary as she poured herself another. (Caitlin was such a lightweight.) “I know for sure that you have never been to China.”
“I could have gone to China,” said Destiny. “I didn’t meet you guys until we were ten. Maybe I went to China when I was seven.” Destiny had moved to Newburyport from Nashville in the fourth grade.
“I’m pretty sure you would have mentioned it,” said Caitlin. “So that’s a lie or a truth?I have never been...A truth. Okay, let’s see. And you would have absolutely told us about Shane Miller when it happened, right?” Destiny’s face gave away nothing. “Alexa? Would she have? What do you think?” Without waiting for Alexa’s answer Caitlin said, “So that’s a lie. Right? That’s a lie. Which means that youdidcheat on your Spanish exam?”
Destiny’s head made a tiny nod and she said, “Amber’s older sister sold me a copy of hers from the year before. Iacedthat thing.”
“Aha!” cried Caitlin. “Drink!” Then, “Wait. Who drinks? Me, because I figured it out? Or Destiny? Because I figured it out.”
“I guess all of us,” said Destiny. She tipped all of the triple sec into her mouth and made a face. Alexa pretended to take a sip of hers and wondered if she could excuse herself to go to the bathroom and pour it down the sink.
“Your turn,” said Destiny, pointing her glass at Alexa. The wind huffed and puffed some more, and Alexa wondered if it might actually blow the house down. Had her mom made her special Dutch oven popcorn with plenty of salt and pepper?
“Go,” said Caitlin bossily. “Alexa.Go.”Alexa searched her mind and came up empty. “If you don’t go,” said Caitlin. “I will.” She refilled Alexa’s glass, which didn’t need refilling. And for some reason that very causal gesture set something loose in Alexa. It was something about the presumption of the triple sec, about the alcohol-softened, expectant,predictablefaces of her friends, maybe about the fact that they still had their fathers and Alexa no longer had Peter, or maybe, beyond that, the fact that they didn’t know grief. They had never known real grief—they were untouched by its cold, dark fingers, and that wasn’t their fault, obviously, but it somehow made her unable to stomach being in the same room with them, especially when her mom and Morgan were cozy at home together. Without Alexa. She half-hoped the windwouldblow the roof off. She wished, illogically, fervently, for something to happen that would take her attention from the sorrow and the rage she felt bubbling up inside her, that she could tell was about to spill over onto Caitlin and Destiny, whether she liked it or not. It was preordained. (It was Destiny.)
Caitlin was on her third serving of triple sec. Destiny’s eyes were turning glassy. They were both looking at her. Looking, and waiting, and expecting. Alexa could hardly stand it.
“One. I failed my driver’s test the first time I took it and nevertold you guys. Two. I’m not going to college. Three. I’ve cried every day since Peter died.”
“Whoa,” said Destiny. “This just took a turn.”
“You failed yourdriver’s test?” said Caitlin.
“I don’t know,” said Alexa savagely. “Did I?”
“I think the game is supposed to be a little more lighthearted?” said Caitlin. She was clearly buzzed, because she had started ending every one of her sentences with a question mark. “Something along the lines of how Destiny did it? Here, I can go. Want me to go, Alexa? One. I have never been swimming on a beach where there’s been a shark sighting. Two—”
She stopped and stared, because now Alexa was standing, almost quivering.
“Well I’m sorry if I don’t feel like playing this game. I’m sorry I’m not lighthearted enough. I’m sorry that mydad diedand I didn’t get over it immediately. I’m sorry if it’s been a little—complicated on my end.”
Destiny glanced nervously at Caitlin. Alexa watched their eyes meet, watched a look pass between them that was definitely not meant for Alexa to share. It was the look an exasperated set of parents would pass back and forth over the head of a toddler in a tantrum, a look that said,Here we go again. Let’s just wait it out.
“But it’s been a long time now, Alexa. And it’s not like—” Caitlin clapped a hand over her mouth as though she could keep the evil words inside.
“It’s not like what? Say it, Caitlin.” The rage was rising, rising.
“Nothing.”
“Say what you were about to say.”
“Nothing,”said Caitlin, around her hand.
“You were about to say, it’s not like he was my real father, right?” Alexa could tell by Caitlin’s face that this was 100 percent correct.
“No, I—”
Alexa’s voice was steel. “Then what were you going to say?”
Miserably, mutely, Caitlin caved. “That?” she whispered. “But I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean—”
“Forget it,” said Alexa. “This game is stupid. I’m going home.” She started toward the kitchen, where her phone and car keys were.
