“He doesn’t have a scholarship,” Kat says. Her voice teeters on the verge of tears.
“But Bubby doesn’t know that,” I remind her. “Or you can always talk about me. Remind her that I fuck girls. That helped the year she found out you were on birth control.”
Kat makes a defeated little whiny sound. “I can’t keep throwing you in front of the slut bus.”
“Hell, tell her Idrivethe slut bus,” I say. “Beep beep.” It’s adumb joke, but it dials Kat’s panic down from a ten to a seven, which is roughly on an even keel with mine.
“You don’t drive the slut bus,” she says between sniffles. “Unless you want to drive the slut bus.”
I shrug, then remember she can’t see me. “How does it pay?”
“Minimum wage.”
I suck in air through my teeth. “Rough break. Any benefits?”
“Bragging rights.”
“Fine, I’m putting in my notice at Sip as we speak.”
Kat giggles, officially putting us beneath a five on the panic scale. Success. “God, I wish you were here. My familylovesyou.”
“Because theyknowme,” I remind her. “They’ve had plenty of time to love me. They just met Daniel. If they were just meeting me, it would probably be a disaster too.” I trap a breath in the base of my throat, wondering if I’m speaking more to her or myself.
“You’re right.” She pauses, then adds. “I mean, no you’re not. They would love you no matter what. You’re the best.”
I swing my feet through the air, trying to touch the hem of the hand towels with the toe of my socks. I don’t really feel like “the best” right now. All I’ve done today is lie, lie, lie. And I’ll have to keep lying the second I step out of this bathroom, but for now, maybe I can be honest. I don’t have to keep up this ruse with Kat. “Hey, sorry to change the subject, but can I tell you something super quick?”
“Of course,” Kat says. “What’s up?”
I focus my gaze on a swirl in the towel pattern. “Ellie Meyers is up.”
“What do you mean?”
“I went to her house for Thanksgiving.” The words tumble out at top speed, like I’m getting them all over with at once. Kat doesn’t respond, so I keep talking. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t decide until after we talked on the phone earlier. I really was planning to stay home and clean, but then Ellie texted me and I just…” I run out of excuses before I figure out what to say next, but with the truth out in the open, a tiny bit of the pressure on my chest releases. “I’m sorry,” I sigh, “I should’ve told you.”
“Hang on, slow down.” Kat’s voice slows to a cool, measured pace. “You went to Ellie’s…are you there now?”
“Yes.”
“Where?”
“Hiding in the bathroom.”
She sputters a laugh. “Does that mean it’s not going well?”
“No, that’s not it.” I hop down from the vanity and start to pace, but something about the four and a half steps in each direction leaves me feeling too caged in. I plop down on the floor instead, running my hand back and forth on the faux suede bath mat to change the color from yellow to dark yellow and back again. “She, uh. Ellie kissed me, actually.”
“What?!” The pitch of Kat’s squeal seems better intended for dogs than human ears. “Oh my GOD, Murph! So it’s going SUPER well, then.”
“No, no. I mean kind of.” The tiniest smile creeps over my lips, and I chip at a dry cuticle with the edge of my fingernail. “It’s been kind of a whirlwind.”
“Then why are you hiding in the bathroom? Shouldn’t you be making out with Ellie or something?”
“You said it was an emergency!”
“Yeah, but that’s because I thought you were vacuuming or whatever! I wanted you to feel included.” Kat pauses, then in a softer voice, adds, “And I needed your advice, but it wasn’t that urgent. I’m sorry.”
With the tip of my pinkie nail, I draw a frowny face in the fabric of the bathmat, then wipe it away with the side of my hand. “You didn’t know. I should’ve told you sooner.”
