“Why?”
I didn’t know why I was so startled by the question. I shrugged. “I’m not into him.”
I watched as Jude ran his tongue from canine to canine. “I’m asking purely so I can sleep at night, knowing I don’t suck at my job. Have you really never dated anyone, or did I miss something?”
I resumed pacing again as I considered how much I was going to tell him. “I’ve never dated.”
“Ever?”
“Ever.”
His eyes narrowed in suspicion. “Not even a middle school crush?”
“Nope,” I said, popping thepfor emphasis.
“Why?”
I shrugged again. “I dunno. It never interested me.”
“More interested in school?” he guessed.
“You could say that.”
Jude caught me with his hand flat on my stomach as I paced in front of him, and I stilled. “Let me guess. That’s what you tell people so they don’t bother you about it, and since you’re a certified genius?—”
“I’m not.”
“—people buy the excuse.” His eyes flicked up to mine. “Am I hot or cold?”
I let out a slow sigh and closed my eyes. “Scorching.”
His tone grew curious, but still gentle. “What’s the real reason?”
For some reason, it felt like I could trust him with this. And God help me, I didn’t know why. “I’ve just . . . never been attracted to anyone. Pretending felt like a waste of time.”
“You’ve . . . never been attracted . . . toanyone?”
“Never.”
“Never?” he said, as if to confirm we were on the same page as to what the word meant. “You’ve never datedanyone.”
I reared back. “Do I need to find you a dictionary or something?”
“I’m just surprised,” he said as his hand slid away from my body. “You’re . . .”
“I’m what?”
“Beautiful.” Jude shook his head as if it still didn’t make sense, no matter how many times I explained what had bothered me for years. “I can’t imagine a man or woman who wouldn’t be attracted to you.”
“I didn’t say I’ve never been asked out,” I clarified. “Indulging it just seems like a waste of everyone’s time. I don’t want to lead anyone on when the romantic feelings I have toward them are the same feelings I have toward a piece of drywall.”
Jude chuckled. “Fair.”
“And I’ve tried!” I blurted out as the minuscule frustration that slowly built over a lifetime of not feeling what everyone else felt came to a head. “Do you think Iwantto live with my brother in my thirties? No! He leaves his stuff everywhere. He’s so inconsiderate, I’m always bailing him out, and Ihatewhen he brings his dates home. My walls are thin.” My braid was falling out, so I yanked it free and dug my hands into my hair. “I want what everyone else has. I want to have a partner. I want to know what it feels like to kiss someone. I want the movie momentwhere the guy shows up at her window holding a boom box over his head.”
Jude cocked his head. “You’ve never been kissed?”
I groaned. “Really? That’s what you got out of all that? So sorry you couldn’t find that out when you werestalking me,” I deadpanned.
