I had to get it out. I had to purge the poison and hurt so I could move on.
But there was too much to be wounded by.
Shep never told me he was my father, when I had wanted him to be my dad so badly.
My mom had lied to me my entire life, making my sister hate me.
Lisa—someone I had confided in about everything—withheld the same information.
Greg probably hated me . . .
Ryan knew how much I loved Shep, and didn’t tell me. Just like my mother. Just like Lisa. Just like Shep.
I loved my family, but it hadn’t been reciprocated. Love and respect required tough conversations. Something they hadn’t been willing to walk through.
Amber could have had her dad.
I could have had mine.
She could have had a relationship with her stepdad instead of one where she resented him.
I could have had a positive relationship with Greg instead of always being ignored.
Mom and Lisa probably would have gotten along.
And I could have had Ryan Ford.
Lies are a spiderweb, and a life built on one—no matter how big and complex—will always collapse.
My tears stained the envelopes as I began the purge and opened and read every single card. It hurt a million times worse than I thought it would.
Shep had been my dad in every sense of the word. He showed it in his actions, words, and intentions.
But I never got to call him dad. I never got to see him smile when I did. I would never get to. And maybe that’s what hurt the worst.
One by one, I unblocked them all from my phone.
Mom.
Lisa.
Greg.
Amber.
But not Ryan.
It had been four days since I spoke to them. Even though, for all intents and purposes, I could stay hidden, it would just delay the inevitable. I waited until it was a respectable time to call someone in Kansas, and started with the easiest person on the list.
“Hello?” Amber’s sleep-filled voice was barely audible over the waves.
I pressed the phone closer to my ear and took a deep breath of salt air.
“Autumn?” she said again, a little clearer this time. It wasn’t her usual snarky tone. She sounded . . . concerned.
“Hey,” I said.
Amber sighed. “Well, at least we know you’re not dead. Mom’s flipping out.”
