“Exactly.” He kissed my head. “The nice people in the comment section are taking time out of their day to spread kindness into the world. The critical people are the random folks who shout at strangers in grocery stores. No one should take them seriously.”
“That’s a good way to put it, I guess.” But that sinking feeling in my gut was still there.
Ryan combed his fingers through my hair. “The internet is a fish bowl where small people yell and think they’re loud. And feeling loud makes people feel important. The reality is, they’re not adding value to their community. They’re just shouting at strangers as they go about their lives.”
But Ryan Ford was the kind of man who added to his community. He helped people build or rebuild their relationships. He stocked Little Free Libraries with books. I had watched over his shoulder as he made weekly donations to different causes with his sponsorship income.
“Is that how you deal with it?” I asked.
“Sometimes,” he admitted. “Sometimes it hurts no matter what your coping mechanisms are. It’s hard to stay soft in a cruel world. People crave love and connection, but society has made us put up so many necessary boundaries that it can feel impossible to scale them in order to find someone. I think, when you find that person, that you have to be willing to take that risk.”
THE FORD METHOD: WEEK NINE
SHINE
Welcome to the last month of your journey through The Ford Method. In the grand scheme of things, nine weeks isn’t a long time. However, I hope by this point, you’ve decided if the relationship you’re pursuing is one that you can see going the distance.
Much like basketball, the final four is a big deal. Over the next four weeks we’re going to dive deep into partnership, the past, present, and the future.
Before we get into this week’s topic, I want you to pause and consider if the relationship you’re pursuing is moving in a positive direction or if there are roadblocks to you or your partner being emotionally intimate.
If those roadblocks can be removed or overcome, take time to address them before continuing.
The last four weeks of this program will position you to commit to a long termrelationship. If those roadblocks are permanent hindrances to a long-term relationship, it may be time to discuss your future with your partner.
As we begin to focus on the future of your relationship, it’s important to remember that you are not one half of a whole. You and your partner should be whole, complete people on your own.
Far too often, people give up half of themselves to take on half of someone else. That behavior is not only unfulfilling, but does not offer a solid foundation for a relationship. Instead of running a relay as a team, you’re bound at the ankles trying to bob your way through a three-legged race.
This week, focus on things that allow you and your partner to shine as individuals. Celebrate them without sharing in their spotlight. Are you willing to stand in the shadows and clap while they have their moment? Are you willing to cheer them on when there’s nothing in it for you?
Take time to show them off. Tell them how much you like seeing them succeed and push themselves. Encourage them to keep chasing whatever fuels their passion.
Celebrate yourself too.
The more you push each other to be the best versions of yourselves, the more you will be the best partners for each other.
25
RYAN
THE ANTI-PAGEANT PARENT
“You excited?” I asked as I slipped into the back room of the Kansas City bookstore where Willow had been stashed as excited readers lined up outside.
The bookstore was hosting a fundraiser for a local animal shelter—Tales and Tails. Book lovers could meet adoptable dogs and cats, browse the store, and have their books signed by their favorite authors. There was a silent auction that Willow had generously donated to, raffle prizes, and meet and greets.
It felt good to get out of Manhattan for the day. The drive to Kansas City had been a windows down, Celine Dion affair. I had been eyeing a barbecue joint for dinner that smelled sure to please.
Willow let out a nervous breath. “It’s been a while since I’ve done an event like this.”
“You’re going to be great. Everyone here loves you.”
She nodded, but I wasn’t sure if she got the underlying message. “I just hope I don’t say anything stupid.”
“You won’t.”
Willow cut her eyes at me. “If you remember, the last time I did a panel, I made a fool of myself.”
