I groaned. “Yeah.Itdefinitely makes me sound high-maintenance."
Jack grinned. “Nothingwrong with that,Roar.”
I rolled onto my side, propped my elbow up, and rested my chin in my hand. “Why’dyou do this,Jack?”
Instead of mimicking my position,Jackstretched out on his back. “BecauseIlike you.Icare about you.Iwant good things for you.Iwant to be the one to give you those good things.”
The slow, steady rise and fall of his chest was hypnotic.Itwas calm, like the ocean waves that crashed in a steady rhythm.Myheart ached at the sincerity in his voice.
He said it so simply.Sonaturally.Sotruthfully.
I always looked for ulterior motives, but withJack, there were none.
“You’re making this so hard,”Iadmitted asIlay down beside him.
“What do you mean?”
I sighed. “Iwas hoping thatI’dleave to go seeWhit, and everything would cool off between us whenIgot back.”
“This isn’t about sex,Roar.I’mnot trying to get in your pants.”
“I know.AndIthink that’s what makes it worse,”Iadmitted. “Ifyou were just trying to seduce me, it’d be easier to stay away.”
“Tell me why you want to stay away.BecauseIpromise you,Iknow whatIwant.IknowIcan handle it.So, tell me, what’s your reason?”
I lifted my eyes and met his as he peered down at me. “Becauseitwillcome to an end and itwillhurt.”Iswallowed. “Ilived with my ex for years before our relationship ended.Butjust the thought of leaving you hurts worse than the reality of that breakup.Thefigment of you is more real than every other fantasyI’veever had.Becauseyou’re not an idea.You’reyou, and you’re irresistible.”
“If you know it’s going to end, then why not enjoy it in the meantime?”
“I know what you’re getting at,”Isaid asItraced a thick vein that ran from his hand to his forearm. “Youthink if you convince me to let you have a shot in the temporary, you’ll get me to stay long-term."Imet his eyes and felt myself being sucked into his orbit.Itwas working. “Wedon’t even know each other,”Isaid in an attempt to hold on to my final bastion of denial.
"Yeah, we do,Roar.I’llrespect your no, but saying we don’t know each other is a fucking lie.AndIwon’t stand for that.”Hereached out and tenderly tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. “Iknow you’re ready to get back into writing, but you’re scared so you’re pretending like you haven’t been working night and day on a passion project.You’redoing that because there’s no expectation for you to produce anything if you keep pretending like it’s not something.Iknow you’re more alive now than when you arrived.Iknow that you feel more of a connection to your mom because of what you’ve learned about your aunt.Iknow you crave adventure and possibilities.Isee it in you every time we find something your aunt hid in the house.Yousay you’re a homebody, but you’re not.You’reclosed off to forming relationships with people because you need them to prove that they want to be around you.SoI’llkeep proving it to you,Roar.Youdon’t want sex?That’sfine.Ican go without sex.It’snot the end of the world.ButIcan’t go without you.SoI’mgoing to be here every day, proving just how muchIwant you.”
“Those are reckless words,”Iwhispered as my eyes lowered to the mouth that had formed each syllable.
“Just because something scares you doesn’t make it reckless.”Hislips grazed mine. “Youscare the hell out of me, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting you.”
It was my turn to be reckless.IkissedJackwith a hand on either side of his face.Therewas no hesitancy.Noskittishness.
“You’ve gotta lead this dance,Roar,” he rasped. “You’vealready told me no, soI’mnot going to twist that into a yes without knowing you’re in this of your own free will.”
“Why are you such a good guy?”Iwhispered asItangled my fingers in the short length of his hair. “Whycouldn’t you have been a dick?”
He chuckled, a warm, rich sound that reminded me of holiday fireplace crackles. “Ican be whatever you need me to be, sweetheart.”
“I don’t think you could be a dick if you tried.”
He shook his head. “Bereckless near the ocean andI’llbe a dick.”Hecaressed my cheek and rested his forehead on mine. “Butit’s only becauseIdon’t want anything to ever happen to you.”
There were so many unsaid feelings in those few words.Somuch to unpack.ButIknew exactly what he meant without even peeling back the first layer.
I reached for his shirt and started to work it over his head.Ihad no idea why he was wearing a shirt.Mostof the time, he came over without one on.Ihad seen him in nothing but shorts more times thanIhad seen him in a proper outfit.
“Aurora, stop.”
I froze with the hem of his shirt around his ribs.Myeyes met his in surprise.Ithought . . .Ithought he wanted this.Wantedme.
Heat and hurt flashed across the back of my neck.Embarrassmentsnaked around my throat like a vine.Itfelt likeIwas being dragged by the undertow and force-fed a metric ton of sand.
