“Thankfully, it got turned on this morning.I’mstill living out of the cooler and the grill since the fridge is disgusting.Itlooks like it was storing a corpse at room temperature for the last few years.Ihave it turned on to start getting cold, butIneed a hazmat suit and a flame thrower to clean it.”
Willow grimaced. “Areyou sure you don’t need help?Thatsounds really dangerous.Likeyou could breathe in toxic mold and die.”
“I have a respirator,”Isaid, picking up the maskIhad gotten yesterday at the hardware store down the coast. “Andgloves.Andone of those white suits that covers your head and shoes.”
Whitney’s giggle caught us both off guard as her husband,Miles, came up behind her and started kissing her neck.
They were adorably and disgustingly in love.
“Sorry,”Whitneysaid. “Hejust got back from an assignment and he’s leaving for another one inEuropesoon.”
Her husband was a bodyguard who had saved her life from a deranged stalker.Iloved how happy she was, but at the moment, it only served to remind me how muchIwasn’t happy.
“Oooh,”Willowcooed. “Ishe getting paired up with one of the sexy suits?”
“You and your thing with men in suits,”Isaid with a laugh.
Willow tossed her hair over her shoulder. “You’veseen the guysMilesworks with!TheAustralianone?I’lltake ten of him.”
Whitney laughed. “Liam’ssweet butI’venever gotten more than three words out of him.”
“Fine.I’lltake the broody one,”Willowsaid.
“Cole?Ithink he’s inNorthCarolinavisiting a friend.”
I laughed. “Sincethey save people from other people, what ifI’min grave danger inside this most likely haunted beach house?Willthe broody one just show up likeBatmanand save me?”
Whitney laughed. “Colehas issues.Passon that one,Wander.”
“But he lookssogood cleaned up in a suit,”Willowwhined. “Ohshit.Ilost track of time tracking your box of dicks.Igotta go.”
“Where?”Iasked.
“Lunch date.He’sa tech bro, but the glasses kind of work for him,”Willowsaid. “Hopefully, it’ll be better than yesterday’s coffee date.”
Willow treated dating like she was vying for anOlympicmedal in the sport.Hercalendar was always full, and her standards were damn near impossible.
Considering we all wrote fictional men who were the perfect partners, it was understandable that the three of us had high standards.ButWillowtook it to a whole new level.
“I should go too,”Whitneysaid. “I’vegotta get some words in beforeMilesandIgo out to dinner.”
“I’ll just be here,”Isaid asIwaved the giant dildo around. “Allalone with only this giant purple penis to keep me company.”
“At least it can get you off!”Willowsaid cheerily. “Talkto you guys later!”
The video call ended after a chorus of goodbyes as the girls went off to their own lives, andIwas left with a dick.
I dug around in the box and found the vibrator and batteries.Theyhad also thrown in some gift cards that would come in handy, given my current financial desert, and a candle for ambiance.Thetea towels that had padded the candle were nice and would be useful whenIhad unearthed the countertops from the thick layer of dust and dirt that had settled over the years.
Yesterday was just about arriving and surviving.Ihad the forethought to grab some charcoal and grillables from a store beforeImade it all the way toCedarIsland.WhatIhadn’t expected was for the fire department to freak out becauseIwas grilling one measly hotdog.Overreactmuch?
Today was exploratory.Thanksto the work gloves and my respirator,Ihad somewhat safely snooped through most of the house and taken stock of what needed to be done.
My game plan started with the refrigerator and the outside stairs.Ihad delicately danced up the planks that were still there, but the gaps needed to be filled with new boards, and the entire thing needed to be shored up.
After my second trip up and down the stairs,Ihad resorted to parking my car beside them and standing on the roof to shimmy my things up to the deck.Itwasn’t a perfect method, but pulling myself up by the lip of the deck was preferable to falling ten feet through the steps onto overgrown shrubbery that, no doubt, held a nest of creepy crawlies and slimy slitheries.
Ha.Alliteration.Iloved alliteration.ToobadIwas still b-l-o-c-k-e-d andIcouldn’t freaking use any.
