An intense shivering overtook me.
“Fine, you can look but talk to me while you do it.” I carefully pulled up my shirt the slightest amount so Lochlan could dab a stinging solution against the gash.
“What shall I talk about?”
“Tell me about…tell me about your work with Roderick. How long have you known him?”
“A very long time. Don’t hold your breath. Breathe normally or this will hurt worse.”
I obeyed, slowly inhaling and exhaling while trying to focus on anything other than my side. “Why are you dealing in drugs if you’re a healer?”
“I have my reasons. How does this feel?”
Lochlan’s warm hand pressed against my side and even more panic exploded in the pit of my stomach. All this time, Lochlan had treated me like some obnoxious younger brother, and now I was a useless, injured woman. If only Peter was the one who had found out and had medical training. Peter was protective of his friends, and I didn’t even have a shred of attraction toward him.
Of course it had to be the one good-looking man I knew, who thought of me as an annoying little brother. After seeing me like this, he’d never see me as anything other than a burden to take care of.
“It feels fine,” I said, trying desperately to sound calm instead of terrified.
“Pick a different word to describe it.”
“Painful.”
“That’s better. How about now?” He adjusted the pressure he had on my side. If I hadn’t been in excruciating pain, I might’ve liked exploring the fluttering feelings in my chest at his touch, but there couldn’t be a worse time to have my first major crush. His being so close and hovering over me in the dark felt far more personal and intimate than what I was prepared for.
“It feels—” I broke off. I couldn’t say fine, but if I said great, he might think that I thought it was great to have him touching me, which sounded even worse now that he knew I was a woman, but I also couldn’t say that it felt dreadful, because he did need accurate medical information. I finally settled on, “It’s improving.”
“We’ll keep checking on it,” he told me. “Can I get you anything?”
“I’d like my dignity back, please.”
Lochlan’s face broke into a wide smile as he leaned back so his hands finally left my side. “You never lost it.”
I stared balefully at him. “My clothing tore in front of someone. If you ripped a hole in your pants in front of a woman, you might feel like your dignity was compromised.” The words were out of my mouth before I realized what I was saying, and heat flooded my face. Here I was, seconds after a man had had his hands on me in the dark, and I was talking about him ripping his pants in public. Now he was going to think I was imagining that.
If this injury didn’t kill me, my embarrassment would.
Why was it that being attracted to someone immediately made my brain shut off and stupid things sprang out of my mouth? Where was the cool, calculating Gil who was confident and reassured and never got personal with anyone?
“If my pants tore in public, I’d sit down until I could knit myself a new pair,” he said with a grin. “Fortunately, I don’t care too much about my dignity anymore.”
I didn’t trust myself to unlock my jaw to answer. His hair had flopped back over his eyes and I couldn’t help liking the way he looked at me, even if I felt ridiculous admitting it to myself.
“You still haven’t told me why you ended up disguising yourself as a boy and coming to get a job at one of the worst places in all of Berkway.”
I tensed up. “Peter and I are friends.”
“Does he know?”
“No.”
“Do you plan to tell him?”
“No. And you better not either.”
Lochlan fell silent and kept watching me so I felt like he could see right through me. “You didn’t tell me about your past,” I challenged. “So I have no need to tell you mine.”
“I’d be willing to trade stories,” Lochlan said.
