Zafir worked his jaw back and forth then very slowly growled, “Crystal clear.”
“Alia?” Julian asked, his voice glossy and polite once more. “Would you like me to find you other accommodations for this evening? I can post a guard or order Zafir to sleep in the hallway while you’re in a new bedroom. I’m not sure what has come over my father’s vizier, but he’s not quite himself, and I sincerely apologize for his behavior.”
Zafir was staring hard at the gently swaying palm trees and didn’t look at me. The temporary surge of protectiveness for him increased to a tidal wave. Even though I needed Julian to like me, I could see why Zafir loathed Julian.
“I do appreciate your generous offer, but on second thought, I think my current accommodations will be fine.Zafir has been a fine host and he’s a dedicated vizier. I’m sure he’s simply tired from overworking.”
Zafir’s head whipped around so fast that he appeared to crick his neck.
“You’re sure?” Julian asked. “I think the Emberlight Revelry rubbed off on Zafir. He’s a little fiery tonight.”
“I’m not worried,” I answered. For the first time since our kiss, Zafir looked directly at me, and I met his gaze with a challenging one of my own. “I’ve played with fire before.”
CHAPTER 25
Zafir’s hand closed possessively around my wrist and he pulled me away from Julian, his stride quick and unforgiving.
“The whole point of you giving me all those lessons was for me to charm Julian, and the second I was getting close, you came in and ruined it,” I snapped at Zafir the moment we were alone, pulling my hand out of his grip. “Don’t you want our plan to succeed?”
He didn’t answer.
“Zafir, I’m talking to you!”
“I know!” he burst out. “I know. I heard you. I just need time to think.”
“Think about what? We need this to work.”
He exhaled sharply. “I know.”
We walked on, and that same awkward silence hovered over us.
“Thank you,” Zafir said curtly after we’d left the courtyard.
“For what?”
“For sticking up for me back there,” he said in clipped tones. “Julian was right: I was not myself.”
“I know the feeling.” I glanced at him sidelong as we entered the building and strode down the corridor leading to Zafir’s quarters. “You could’ve let him kiss me, you know.”
Zafir’s knuckles became white as he balled his hands into fists. “No, I couldn’t have. I told you before, I don’t share well.”
We walked the rest of the way in silence. Several times, Zafir opened his mouth and took a deep breath like he was about to say something but inevitably would exhale sharply a moment later and clamp his mouth shut.
I wished he would break the silence but also couldn’t blame him. I couldn’t think of anything to say, either. We had been so close to getting Julian to kiss me, and Zafir had stopped it. Though to be fair, I didn’t want to be shared either. I wanted the Zafir from back in the moment when he had kissed me so passionately. I wanted the man whose gaze lingered every time he did my makeup and who helped my sister.
The moment we got into his study, Zafir began haphazardly adding ingredients into a bottle without once looking at a recipe. He finished making his potion so quickly that I barely had time to shut the door, and by the time I’d gotten to his side, he had downed the entire bottle.
“What was that?” I asked, eyeing the bottle.
Zafir’s face shifted from angry to cool and calculated. “Nothing important.”
I picked up the bottle and gave it a sniff. Stillheart, I’d bet my life on it. A strange combination of anger and longing battled within me, and I was surprised to find tears threatening to build up in my eyes.
If Zafir had felt anything for me, he wouldn’t anymore. Iglared as the last remaining droplets of the dark potion clinging to the bottle’s rounded interior. With that in his system, he might not be upset with me or jealous of Julian, but at least he would still care. If only I could rip that potion from his books and memory and purge it forever from all existence. If only hewantedto feel something for me.
Suddenly, I understood his desire to take the Stillheart every day. This pain was too great to bear. The moment Zafir’s back was turned, I tilted the bottle up to my own mouth, hoping that the last few droplets would do something,anything, to take the edge off my pain. There was barely enough to moisten my lips.
I waited for some of the pain to disappear, but it remained as sharp and agonizing as it had felt from the first moment.
