Zafir had never lost control like that before, not even when he’d been outrageously overdosed on that infatuation elixir. Everything he did was always measured and calculated. He wouldn’t let things slip unless he meant them to. So, what had that kiss meant to him? Was this a symptom of his not taking the Stillheart potion like normal, or was it more than that? For a brief time, I’d thought we had shared a connection, some bond that was deeper than even my desire for revenge on Rahil.
But now? Now we stood facing opposite directions like we were strangers. It was worse than being with a stranger, really. I couldn’t undo what I’d already done. What if I admitted aloud that I didn’t need an infatuation elixir to be attracted to Zafir anymore? What would he think? Surely he didn’t see me as just his ticket to find a genie…did he?
My stomach coiled unpleasantly, and I busied myself with picking up papers and putting them down again without actually reading a single word. I didn’t want to feel used, even though that was exactly what I was doing to Julian. What foolishness had come over me? I had a plan. I was supposed to get close to Julian and use him to get the funding so I could return, help Nadia, and stop Rahil before he took any more brides. I didn’t have the emotional capacity to handle some ludicrous romantic attraction to theman holding me captive on top of everything else. He was unreasonable and obnoxious and…
I glanced sideways. Zafir was fidgeting with some delicate instrument and didn’t look up. His tunic’s collar was slightly askew and I wanted, absurdly, to fix it. I clenched my hands into fists so tight my nails dug into my palm. What was wrong with me? It had been just a kiss. People kissed each other all the time. Did they feel the same way I did and simply conceal it better?
Nothing came to mind to help break the uncomfortable silence. Which would be worse, making small talk or leaving the quiet as it was?
I elected to continue the silence.
The worst thing, I decided, wasn’t small talk or saying nothing. The worst thing would be if I brought attention to the kiss only to discover that he had only intended it as a lesson and felt nothing at all for me.
I couldn’t bear the thought.
“You’re meeting Julian in a few hours,” Zafir said abruptly. His voice sounded overly loud and crisp.
“I know.”
“Wear green.” He was still refusing to look at me. Did he blame me? If so, he ought to blame himself as well. I hadn’t been the only person involved in that kiss.
CHAPTER 24
Ispent the entire afternoon getting ready to meet Julian. Zafir didn’t move from his chair where he sat reading, but when I finally came in to check on him, it looked like he was still at the same place in his book.
“I’m ready to go,” I announced to the back of his head.
He gave a grunt of acknowledgement and heaved himself to his feet, then tugged our chain over so it wouldn’t get twisted around his chair.
His gaze flicked over me once and his jaw tightened. “You’re wearing that?”
“No, it’s all an illusion,” I drawled sarcastically. “I’m actually naked.”
He let out an irritated huff. “It was just a question. I told you to wear green. That’s purple.”
“You said green isn’t flattering on me.”
“I know,” he grumbled, and didn’t say anything else as we marched out of his study.
Fine. If Zafir wanted to treat me with such cold indifference, he couldn’t complain when I did likewise to him.
The air between us was thick with tension. Zafir couldhave kept me from Julian if he’d wanted to. All he would have had to do was refuse to move. Chained to him, there was nothing I could do if he chose that. But no, he willingly got up to accompany me on my date. That must mean he wanted me to go, right? He wanted our plan to succeed. But if he did want me to see Julian, why had he kissed me so passionately? It wasn’t fair to either of us to tamper with our emotions in such a raw, vulnerable way.
The only conclusion I was able to draw was that Zafir thought our kiss had been a mistake and wanted to forget it ever happened. My shoulders tensed. It was for the best. If I was going to get back to Brisden, I needed someone who could finance the voyage, and although Zafir was brilliant, he didn’t have fabulous wealth like Julian did. For this plan to work, I needed a man with money to burn.
Julian was waitingat the gates when we arrived, every strand of his glossy hair smoothed into place, his silks gleaming in the lanternlight. His grin widened when his eyes landed on me, and he bowed in exaggerated gallantry.
“Alia,” he said, offering his hand as though I were some treasured jewel instead of a woman chained at the wrist to another man. “You’re radiant tonight. Purple’s a good color on you. Did you dress up for me?”
I slid my hand into his and fluttered my lashes. “Of course. There’s no one else I’d rather dress up for.”
Zafir’s jaw flexed. He didn’t say anything but adjusted the chain with a sharp tug so I was forced a half-step closer to him.
Julian laughed, mistaking the gesture for clumsiness. “Careful, vizier, or you’ll make this beautiful woman feel like a prisoner.”
“She isn’t my prisoner,” Zafir said, voice low and clipped.
“Oh? Then what is she to you?” Julian asked, cocking his head.
