After several minutes of silence, I whispered, “Zafir?”
“What?”
I bit my lip then asked in a rush, “Why’s everyone soscared of you? They all avoid you when you go out. What happened?”
He let out a long exhale. “I almost killed someone in the middle of the town square. I would have, too, if I hadn’t been pulled away.”
My throat caught. “What happened?”
“My sister, Jasmine, was engaged to a man named Grathe before she left to fight in the war. I didn’t know it at the time, but he’d been abusing her. It turned out she had joined the military to learn how to fight back, and she talked so much about makeup because she was using it to hide her bruises.”
“That’s horrible,” I breathed.
“I didn’t realize at the time that she was hoping I would notice. I just thought she wanted to talk about makeup. When I was stationed on the front lines as an apprentice healer with her and she knew she was dying, she finally told me. She said that if it weren’t for him, she never would have signed up for the military. If it hadn’t been for him, she would’ve lived.”
I winced. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”
There was a slight noise as he shifted position. “I don’t mind; I need to focus on something else right now. Like I told you, she died the day before the war ended, and when I got back, I saw Grathe and…I lost control. I tried very hard to kill him.”
“I would do the same for my sister.” I thought of Nadia. If she’d been a little older and Rahil had married and killed her, how would I have reacted? I could only assume I would’ve behaved just as Zafir had done.
“I broke several of Grathe’s bones but was restrained before I killed him.” He paused. “Julian was one of thepeople who pulled me back. Grathe was his best friend, and I suppose I’ve always wondered if Julian knew anything about what was going on between him and Jasmine. He denied that he knew anything, but still…we’ve had bad blood between us ever since. After that incident, I sought power. I was determined to rise up so I could ruin Grathe in every way possible, and I did. The moment I was able to, I had him exiled to the Scorchlands.”
“Good riddance,” I said softly. “The world would be better off without him if he treated your sister that way.”
“I thought so, too. But all that was done very publicly, and it frightened many people who didn’t know of his crimes. They just saw me lose control. It didn’t help that before being exiled, he started a rumor that I was at fault for my sister’s death and people began to avoid me.”
“I’m so sorry,” I breathed.
“It’s fine. I don’t like talking to most people anyway, and especially not if they think I did such things. It’s much easier to let people believe that I’m evil rather than explaining my sister’s death a hundred times over.”
“But Parliament doesn’t seem to blame you if they have you as a vizier.”
He let out a grunt. “That’s one of the reasons they like having me as a vizier. I’m unattached and my whole life revolves around them. They love having me available to dole out any harsh penalties. I’m their scapegoat, Parliament saves face, and it gives me the opportunity to do my research undisturbed. If I didn’t have my career, I’d have nothing.”
I tried to look at Zafir through the keyhole, but the back of his head must’ve been blocking the other side. “I’m glad you told me,” I said softly. “And for what it’s worth, I’m on your side. If something ever happened to Nadia… I understand your position.”
We lapsed back into silence.
Finally, I heard him shift, then came a long, slow exhale. “All right,” he said. “You can come out now. I promise I’m mostly myself again.”
I peered through the keyhole before easing the door open a crack. His hair was mussed, like he’d run his hands through it many times, and he wouldn’t look at me.
I stepped out cautiously, prepared to run back if I needed to. “It appears that you survived.”
“Survived without any of my ego left intact, but I’m still alive, yes.”
I hesitantly approached him, encouraged that he made no attempt to move toward me or kiss me again. “I’m sorry if I made things difficult for you,” I told him softly. “I shouldn’t have teased.”
“You aren’t the one to blame. I knew the risks and took it anyway. I put you in an uncomfortable situation, and for that, I’m sorry.”
“Thank you. And I’m sorry I touched you. I didn’t know you’d react that way.”
He shook his head. “I knew if I reciprocated, it wouldn’t be because I chose to. It was because something made me weak. I worried that if I started touching you again, I wouldn’t be able to stop, and I won’t subject you to that.”
I smiled. “You know, for the most part, I really liked Infatuated Zafir.”
“You like men who make fools of themselves? Wonderful. You’ll get along perfectly with Julian.”
