He let out a little hmmm. “The gallery is good. Thanks for asking. Still coming to the event?”Damn, he was asking her after all.
“I’m not sure.” She fidgeted with a button on her pajamas without looking at him.
“Don’t let me stop you. It will be crowded. You can just pretend I’m not there. And you put a lot of work into making it look right.”
She looked up again and met his gaze. “I didn’t do much.”
He hated when she tried to belittle her contributions. “It would be a mess without your input.”
“It was you, Raf. You did great work.”
He gave her a wry smile. “Have to appease the billionaires, right? I’m good at that.”
She watched him, and he wished he could know what was going through her head. What did she think of him? Did she hurt half as much as she did? Probably not. She’d been through worse. He was just another bump in the road.
“You ready to get back to your apartment?” he asked. He could make small talk. No problem at all.
Her face didn’t change, and she still just stared at him, her fingers wrapped around a water glass. “I guess so.”
“And your classes? It’s about the end of the term, right?”
“They’re good. Some of my students promised they’ll come see me and keep in touch.”
“That’s not surprising.” Rafael felt stupidly jealous of her students then, that they got to keep in touch. They got to be near her, to openly adore her. They got to make the decision to be in her life while he fell by the wayside.
“I’m sorry, Rafael,” she said softly.
He took a small amount of satisfaction at the sadness in her eyes, but it also made him remember that she’d given him up, too. She’d given him up when she could have fought for him. She could have believed it when he told her how he felt. She could have at leasttried.
He swallowed and buried every painful thought that flashed through his mind. He didn’t want her to read any of it on his face or hear any of the ache in his voice. “Don’t apologize, Grace. You did what you had to do.”
She nodded and walked back toward her bedroom door. “Goodnight,” she said, so quietly he almost could have missed it. Then she slipped into her bedroom without another glance at him.
“Goodnight,” he whispered to the closed door.
He couldn’t stop himself from helping her move her belongings. He’d convinced her to live with him and helped her move in, the least he could do was help her get her stuff out.
“You don’t have to,” she said, of course. She was always saying “thank you” or “sorry,” always trying to avoid taking up too much space or inconveniencing anyone. He wanted to scream at her, to tell her she deserved everything, that she should take up loads of space and expect all the help in the world, that she could ask anything of him and he’d do it.
“I don’t have to,” he said, “but here I am.”
He carried her suitcases up the three flights of stairs, just as he had the night she’d arrived in Granada. The apartment looked completely normal. You couldn’t even tell it had just been through a flood and weeks of construction. It didn’t even smell bad, which was one of Alma’s great concerns.
“Hi Rafa,” Alma said, kissing him on both cheeks in the entryway. This was how she’d acted the few times he’d seen her since she discovered his relationship with Grace—as if it had never happened at all. As if she hadn’t been so concerned that he would fall for her best friend that she’d completely dissolved his relationship with said best friend and any chance they had together. He supposed he should have been relieved Alma wasn’t angry with him, but he also couldn’t help being angry with her. Sure, Grace was one of the most important people in her life, but what if Grace had also become one of the most important people in his life as well? Didn’t that count for anything?
Grace walked in behind him, carrying a backpack and a lamp. “How did I already collect so much stuff here? It’s only been a few months.”
“It must be because you feel so at home.” Alma smiled. “You’ve settled right in.”
She’d settled right in withhim, in his apartment. That’s where she’d felt so at home, Rafael thought, but he kept his mouth shut. There was no use fighting that battle. He’d already lost.
“I’ll just take these to the bedroom,” he said, gesturing toward the suitcases. He heaved them across the brand-new floor while Grace and Alma adjusted plants and lamps in the living room. Once he was alone, he stared at Grace’s bed. It was the first thing they’d moved back into her room. He couldn’t help feeling like it didn’t belong there, like it didn’t look quite right. He stared and stared, unmoving, forgetting what he was supposed to be doing.
“Raf?” Grace said, walking up behind him. “Everything okay?”
He blinked, clearing his head. “Yeah. Is there something else I can help with?”
She stopped right beside him, both of them scanning the room. Then he could feel her eyes on him. “It seems like forever since I’ve been here,” she said. “I forgot what it looked like.”
