Rafael frowned. “I am, I suppose. What does that mean?”
Grace almost snorted. “You’re this hot womanizer who could have anyone on the planet, and you’re telling me you want to be with me?”
He squinted at her. “Are you serious right now?”
“What?” She scanned his face, sure he must understand what she meant.
“Graciela, you…” He cleared his throat. “I could never deserve you. I would understand if you don’t even want to give me a chance, but not if it’s because you can’t imagine I would want to be with you. It’s true that I’ve never exactly done this before. A relationship, I mean. I don’t entirely know how. But if it means we get to be together? That’s the simple part. That’s all I want.”
Grace chewed the tip of her thumb nail trying not to turn to complete mush at his words. She had no clue how to respond. Obviously, she wanted him, but she didn’t want to cling to him to escape the realities of her grief and pain. She didn’t want him to be a rebound, not anymore. Not if he was offering her something real. She just didn’t know if she was ready for something real.
She should have listened to Alma in the first place. She should have stayed away. If she’d never kissed him, never slept with him, then all of this would be so much easier. She’d still want him, sure, but she could go on like that forever if she didn’t know how he tasted.
“Do you care about me?” Rafael asked so earnestly that she wanted to reach out and stroke his hair. She wanted to make him laugh.
“Yes, dummy, of course I care about you.”
He smiled. “So? Maybe we could give it a shot?”
Grace stood up and started pacing in front of him. “But Alma is right, Raf. She’s right about everything. I’m a mess, and you’re?—”
“A guy who’s never had a real relationship.” He finished her sentence like it was a foregone conclusion.
Grace swiped a hand across her face. This fucking hurt, just like she knew it would. But it would be worse later. It would be so much worse if she loved him. It had already happened once. She’d completely melded her life to someone else’s, so sure that they had a secure future in front of them, only for all of it to be ripped away. Derek had barely offered an explanation—just that things had changed. They were complacent and distant by the end of it, and what was to stop the exact same thing from happening with Rafael? How many months or years would it take until he was bored of her, too? It wouldn’t matter how much she wanted him then. It wouldn’t matter how tightly she held on. “I do have feelings for you, obviously, but it is a lot of pressure, and I don’t want to be so broken again. It’s too risky.” She hung her head, letting her hair fall in front of her face like a curtain, unable to look at him.
Rafael jumped up from the couch, taking her hand in his. “It’s worth the risk.”
Grace stared at a tiny hole in the sleeve of her sweater. “You don’t know that. We have to be able to be in the same room. For Alma.” She felt like throwing something but settled for pulling away and continuing to stride back and forth without looking toward the devastating man standing in the middle of the room trying to change her mind.
“But it could work between us, Graciela. Why are you so sure it wouldn’t?”
She finally let her eyes drift back over to him. “Well, most relationships don’t work out, do they? There’s a good chance this is a terrible idea. And what’s the alternative? We’re just happy together forever?”
Rafael shrugged, giving her a smug look, like maybe that was possible.
“We barely know each other.”
“We live together,” Raf countered.
“For a matter of weeks, Raf. I lived with Derek for years.” There it was. She’d finally said her ex-boyfriend’s name aloud, and it cut through their conversation like a knife. Here was her proof that things never worked out even when you were so sure they would, even when you thought you had forever. She was finally offering it up for Rafael to study, her most solid evidence, finally letting him in on the truth of the matter.
Rafael’s expression darkened. “I’m not Derek,” he said.
“I know.” She let out a breath.
“I won’t hurt you.”
“You can’t promise that.”
“I can, and I will, if you don’t hurt me.”
“I can’t promise that either.”
“Grace,” Rafael said sternly. “Do you want to be with me or not? Is it worth it to try? Because for me, it is. I’ve never felt like this before. I’m not just going to go out and find someone else that makes me feel like you do, because it’s never happened in my lifetime. And I promise to be an adult if it blows up. I promise to make things as easy for Alma as possible. But Alma will be fine. Don’t base your decision on her. Base your decision on you and me. Is this what you want?”
Grace stopped pacing and breathed deeply, taking in his words. She didn’t want to lose everything again. That had already happened once, and even if she was sure she’d be stronger this time around, she didn’t want to have to rebuild her entire life again. Especially not without Alma.
“I can’t, Raf.” She put a hand to her chest, surprised at the physical pain there. “Alma is my family. She’s basically all I have.” Her voice almost broke on the last word.
