‘It won’t come to that. It might slow things down, but this is your dream, Mats. Don’t stop believing in it.’
Seeing her in front of him, telling him to believe in his dream, made his chest hurt.
‘I’ve ruined something great by making a decision based on a very pessimistic assessment of my life. It makes me sad now. I should have had more faith in myself. Why didn’t I believe I could meet someone like you?’
Lotta poured the wine and pushed his glass across the table. ‘You made a solid decision that ultimately will give you the future you want, away from the bank, away from Oslo, back where your family live. It doesn’t mean you can’t have this too,’ she said, waving her hand between the two of them.
He felt like an idiot for allowing himself to get drawn into the depths of despair when Lotta was being so clear-headed about it. ‘You’re very smart.’
‘Well, so are you. But it’s hard to think clearly once you let yourself spiral. Like I said earlier, remember me in Oslo. I’m sure your plan wasn’t to stay on the island for the rest of your life. So tell me your actual strategy.’
She listened intently while he explained exactly what he’d planned with the help of Anders. It hadn’t taken long for Anders to find he’d needed a full-time hotel manager to share the responsibility with, so he’d advised Mats to put it into the planright from the start. The hard part was believing that the whole thing would take off and be successful enough for that strategy to be executed.
‘It sounds as if Anders knows what he’s talking about. You can’t run a place like that alone. I know you’ll want to be hands-on to begin with, but I’m not sure that means you have to live on the island forever and cut yourself off from the world. It should give you freedom.’
Freedom. That’s exactly what he had wanted, and what he’d thought the island was giving him. Freedom from his life in Oslo. Freedom to break out of the day-to-day routine and to live a life where he wasn’t defined by his job or his money.
‘I thought it was that. Until I met you. Now everything’s different.’
She looked down at the table, and the way her shoulders slumped made Mats feel like his world had shifted.
‘You’re not worried it’s going to ruin things for you, us? Me?’
‘You haven’t ruined anything, Lotta.’ She was still looking away from him as if she thought she was to blame for something. ‘You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’m the one who committed to something that’s hard to unravel. Nobody thought this was a good idea. I thought getting the island was fate helping me to change my life for the better, when I should have listened to my brother and sisters. I should have thought harder about all of it.’
She shook her head. ‘No, Mats. I know your plans have taken a turn, that running out of money is a big deal. It’s scary. But don’t forget, you went into this with your eyes open. You knew the risks, and you did it anyway.’ She said it as if that were a good thing.
‘I did it anyway. Even though my father ignored the island for almost his entire life, I thought I knew better. I thought I was taking our family’s legacy and preserving it, when it was a legacyhe never wanted.’ His chest was tight from the effort of holding all the emotion in. It felt like fate was laughing at him now. He’d read everything wrong, gone against what his family wanted. ‘I should cut my losses. Sell the island like everyone wanted in the first place and go back to Oslo. Then we can be together.’
‘None of this is going to stop us from being together, Mats. And doing any of those things isn’t going to make you happy. It might solve your problems in the short-term but you’ll be back where you were before any of this happened, and you’ll still have that dream, but be farther away from it than ever.’
Her words cut through. He looked at her and could see the determination in her eyes. The same determination that had taken her from being betrayed by the person she loved to where she was today.
‘What you’ve already done is incredible. Don’t start doubting yourself now.’
‘Don’t start doubting us, Lotta. I know you’re worried that a long-distance relationship is the last thing I need, but it’s the best thing in my life. You’re the best thing in my life, and if I have to come back to London with you for a few days, then I will.’
She sighed. ‘I don’t doubt the way you feel about me, and you know I feel the same. This was your plan before you met me, but I’ve been in your shoes and I can’t be the person on the other side of that.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I’m going to pull your focus from the island right when everything is becoming more difficult for you. Maybe I’m not doing it deliberately like Curtis did to me, but it’s happening. And I know what it’s like to see your life implode because you’re concentrating on someone else instead of thinking about yourself.’
‘But this is still different. And I’ll fight you forever and a day on it becausewematter more than anything. So I’m coming toLondon because I want to, because we’re in this together. You’re not gaslighting me into it, nothing is going to be ruined in the couple of days I am away. I want to do this.’
He saw the relief in her eyes. She needed to hear these things from him, even though he wished they went without saying.
‘Thank you,’ she said quietly, taking a sip of wine.
He reached for her hand and squeezed it, feeling that they were both back on the same page. It was going to be a challenge every step of the way, but he didn’t mind that because it was worth any amount of strategising and negotiation to be with her.
‘How about tomorrow we go over to the island and knock the cabin wall through together?’
‘I’d love that.’ Her eyes lit up for the first time since they’d opened that bottle of wine.
By the time they left the bar, it was drizzling, but neither of them cared. They walked back to the house, side by side, Lotta’s arm around his waist, and his around her shoulders.
‘It’s going to be okay, you know,’ he said to her, wishing he could believe it himself. He’d never had to live with such uncertainty in his life before. It was exhausting. But as long as Lotta could understand that she wasn’t the cause of his doubts, that was all that mattered.
