“Yeah…”
“But you’re not the kind to do commitment. And Elio, if I remember correctly, he doesn’t do your kind.”
“No, he doesn’t.”
“So…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “I can’t believe we’re having this conversation now. It’s unbelievable.”
“Trust me; I feel the whiplash every day,” I said. “It’s kind of like you said with Upper, how you felt whenever you saw him; it’s kind of the same way I feel… not that intense but it’s there nonetheless.”
He shook his head. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive him for what he did to you. How can you like someone like that? He’s not a—He’s a lost cause, Zahra. You ought to know that.”
I frowned. “Don’t say shit like that, D. He broke things off with me because of you. He cares about you more than anything in this fucking world. I know you have your differences, but if you would just talk to him for a change—”
“You’re fucking brainwashed,” he said.
I frowned. “So that’s it, you’ve given up on him because he tried to drown me?”
“Not just that. He’s hurt you on multiple occasions, he—Can’t you see that this is some part of his fucking ploy? Howcan he just turn a one-fucking-eighty from wanting to kill you to fucking you?”
“It wasn’t a one-eighty. There’s a lot you don’t know about us or how this started. I only told you guys because it’s not something I want to hide and because I respect you as my best friend. I don’t need your approval to be with who I want to be with.”
“I know you don’t need my approval. But he’s my brother. He’s not a good person for you. He might be all nice now, but once you fuck up, there will be a bullet in your head. He’s just like his fucking father.”
Exasperated, I sighed. “Devil… I think you should talk to him.”
His eyes searched mine. “What?”
“I think you should talk to Elio. You blame him for a lot, and you’re wrong about literally everything. The longer you two keep walking on eggshells around each other, the more you continue to hurt each other unnecessarily.”
The look in his eyes could define reluctance and confusion. “I don’t understand.”
I leveled him with a stare. “Remove me from the equation, remove my relationship with him… remove the fact that you’re angry at him for hurting me all those times. And focus on your actual relationship with him. Focus on how you felt before he tried to drown me.”
He looked away with a tight frown, his jaw clenching and unclenching.
“You don’t hate him, Devil. You’re just angry at him. You’re angry that you pushed him away, and he didn’t try to fix it. You think he doesn’t care because he never shows it, and just like him, you left it that way. You’re stubborn, he’s stubborn, but at some point, one of you has to be the bigger person,” I said and then added, “Personally, I think you should be the bigger person; then you get bragging rights.”
His head dropped in a small laugh, and then he looked at me. “Why are you like this?”
“Because I will always root for you, D. I might like him, but you still come first to me.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really—really, as in if a house was on fire and the two of you were stuck inside, and I could only save one person, it would be you, no questions asked.”
“And you’re certain his intentions with you are genuine?”
“Yes.”
“What about yours?”
My stomach dipped. “What?”
“Your intentions. I know there’s always something up your sleeve.” He watched me. “I’m trying to make sure this is not one of them because if it is and—”
“I don’t have ill intentions.”
His eyes watched, brows furrowed, stare intense, and just like that, it felt like I was staring at Elio; this very moment took me to the times when it felt like Elio was trying to look into my soul to fish out a lie from my truth.
