“It’s not!” he yelled. “He can’t be dead because I don’t want him dead… not yet! He couldn’t have had it so easy when they didn’t get to have it easy. When I don’t have it easy!”
He broke. Crumpling to his knees, both hands covered his eyes, and sobs left him… ragged and pained.
I was in front of him the next instant, gathering him into my arms, hugging him tight as I cried, breaking while he broke. “It’s okay.”
He wrapped his arms around me, buried his face in the crook of my neck, and cried, the wetness from his eyes touching my skin.
“I killed them, Zahra,” he muffled out. “I wasn’t there… I wasn’t there to save them; I should have never left them. It’s all my fault.”
“It’s not. It’s not your fault.”
“They were screaming for me—if you could have heard it—God, Zahra, they were screaming my name, and I wasn’t there… I was too late… they were gone… they were dead, I couldn’t even—I couldn’t even recognize them, couldn’t—they were—it was bad… it was—they didn’t—there was no skin—there was nothing—I couldn’t bury anything—I couldn’t do anything, and I can’t even tell them I’m sorry.”
“They know.” I rubbed his back. “They know you’re sorry.”
“They hate me—they would know that I didn’t—I didn’t kill him for letting it happen. I didn’t take revenge for them—I didn’t do anything.”
I held him tighter. “I know you’ll hate to hear this, Elio, but sometimes… revenge isn’t the only solution… all you need is a good cry, a good talk, a good sleep, and acceptance. You haven’t allowed yourself to move on after all these years, and I am positive they would have wanted you to be happy. I don’tthink they hate you; that’s just what you think. You need to, for once, take care of yourself, your thoughts, your mind… you need these things to function, and only when you own them will you be happy.”
I pulled away, and he looked at me; his eyes were so red, so broken, as I held his face. “My presence in your life can only do so much. You said it yourself. You tried to bring yourself back even when you were with me, and you did, but you lost the grip on your mind again, even with me in the picture. If you—if you use me as an anchor, it’s only a matter of time before I lose the ability to keep your mind afloat; your problems will sink me, too, and you will drown even with me there… it’s happening already, that’s why you have to treat yourself,please.”
His throat worked, and he nodded. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yes. I will get help.”
“You’re not making false promises?”
He shook his head, shoulders slumped. “No. I want to get help, and I will get help. Now. I will see a specialist now, if possible… if you’ll come with me.”
I couldn’t fight the smile as it grew on my lips. I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him. “I will. I’ll be there with you, and I’ll hold your hand, and I’ll do whatever I can to help you through this.”
He relaxed into my arms, and the space that had opened up in my heart for him opened even wider, and I closed my eyes, hugging him back to calm him while accepting that I didn’t just like this man, nor was I just fond of him—no—realization made goose bumps rise on my skin as I held onto him even tighter.
I was falling in love with Elio Marino.
Hell…
I think I already fell.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Zahra
The mission had been compromised.
The reason I left Sicily, the reason I woke up every morning with determination to continue the day, the reason Street was created.
Everything was compromised.
I couldn’t afford to jeopardize my relationship with Elio… or Street. I had to tell them. They needed to know.
Years ago, leaving Sicily, my heart had been impenetrable. Gathering Street had been purely for my own selfish reasons. But then we became a family. They became my world. They became important, people I knew I couldn’t carry on in my life without. Each lie I told them turned from small stones on my conscience to big rocks.
Then Elio came into the picture, and my heart, the heart I’d believed was too broken to ever develop feelings for anyone, was cracked open by him. Slowly, unsuspecting. He crept in.
And now…
