He nodded. “Yes. My mother was schizophrenic. Maybe I inherited it? I don’t know, but I wasn’t always like this… It didn’t start until much later… after the army. After the fire, everything that happened. Maybe the stress just woke something that had been sleeping all along? Maybe it’s not even genetic. Maybe it’s trauma. Maybe it’s all the things I’ve seen… all the things I’ve done…”
He looked up at me, the tiredness reflecting in his eyes. “I sometimes think when my mind can’t cope, and when it all gets to be too much, I have that out-of-body experience, and I do things that I don’t mean to do or say things that I don’t mean to say. It’s a never-ending cycle, and I really, really want it to end.”
“You know it doesn’t have to end with you dying, right? You could get help.”
He looked away from me. “I can’t.”
“Why?” I asked, trying to catch his gaze. “Is this because you think you’re undeserving of it?”
“I know I am. I am positive I am undeserving of it.”
“Angelo told me about what you suspect was done to you in the private army facility?”
He sighed heavily.
“Elio, I think they made you believe you’re undeserving of help.”
His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down. “Possibly. My father was hell-bent on never getting me medical help, so there is a possibility that was one part of the special training.”
“So why are you still conforming to it?”
“Because I can’t stop. Because my father is alive and—andI don’t think I will ever stop being affected by what they did to me at the camp—as long as he’s there, as long as he’s still breathing.”
My stomach sank as I watched him, hoping to God that my suspicions weren’t true. “You could put an end to it today.”
His eyes searched mine. “By killing him?”
“Yes. He is one of your demons, the obstacle in your path, and if you don’t kill that demon, I don’t think you’ll move forward, Elio.”
He was listening to me; I saw the resignation in his eyes as he nodded. “Will you come with me? I don’t think I can do it alone.”
I swallowed, and it was almost painful. “Yeah, sure.”
CHAPTER THIRTY
Zahra
He took no security detail. No one questioned us leaving the compound, but I sent a quick text to Angelo, and to Devil, telling them that all was well and that I might have gotten him to finally get help.
I might have.
But we had to take care of this situation.
The drive took about an hour and forty minutes, but we arrived at the motel.
I watched him greet the receptionist, who looked at me with surprise, probably in shock that he’d brought someone here after so many years.
With my heart in my throat, my body buzzing, and my chest tight, I followed Elio down the hallway, which was lit with yellow lights that gave the space a warm feel and somehow added to my nerves.
The jangle of keys as he stopped right in front of a door and proceeded to unlock it had my heart pounding.
When I heard two lock clicks, and he pushed the door open, I braced myself as he walked in, and I followed behind him.
I closed the door and looked up as he pointed to the middle of the room. “There he is.”
My gaze settled on the chair facing the window.
My. God.
