She was crying like she had been spending months holding a lot of things in and had only just decided to let them out through tears.
Closing the door behind me, my throat worked again, and I walked over to her, seeing the wet streaks flow down the visible parts of her cheeks, falling onto my sweater.
I didn’t know what to say, didn’t know how to comfort her. I’d never been put in a position like this, and it didn’t help that it tore me up to witness this—I was seeing a part of this woman I never knew I would hate to see. It seemed as though she just became even more human than she once was.
I took another step closer until we were toe to toe, and one of my arms curled around her waist, pulling her flush against my body, while the other went to the side of her head, caressing her neck beneath her ear before my fingers disappeared into the depths of her hair, settling on the back of her headas I lured her to rest her head gently against my chest, while I caressed her scalp.
“Deja de llorar, por favor,” I told her softly before adding, “Seeing you like this is breaking my heart, querida.”
Stop crying, please.
Her hands broke free between us as she put them around me, letting me hold her while she held me, trying to tame the tears. Her body shook in my arms, and I knew then and there that I might just be a small part of the reasons why she was crying. Something else was making my woman unravel like this before me.
No filter. No barrier.
I tightened my hold around her. “Is this about what I said?”
No response, just more tears while she held me.
I sighed. “I am sorry about tonight.” I let the words flow out. “I am sorry I hurt you that way; I should not have touched you while I was angry.”
Her grip tightened around me. “I am sorry too.” Her voice was heavy with tears. “For drugging you. That was stupid. I should have told you—everything.”
“I know. I know you’re sorry.”
She sniffed, trying to calm down. “It’s just—everything—everything I had to do and see today just took, took so much from me. And knowing I would be with you at the end of the day—it made me feel relief. But I—I fucked that up too.”
I shook my head. “You didn’t know, and I didn’t mean most of the things I said. I am very comfortable with you,” I assured her, caressing her scalp. “I just needed you to see that it wasokayto trust me, even if you feel like I would ignore you. I know I have my days, but when have I ever ignored anything you truly wanted from me?”
She shook her head, calming down.
“See, next time, just talk to me. Do not take matters into your own hands. And this is not just for me alone, but foranyone at all. For your team, what you did was wrong, and I am positive that if you had told them you needed them off the ship immediately, they would have listened without question because they trust you. But you drugging them might have taken that away.”
She shivered in the aftereffects from her tears. “I know now, I was just—I’m not used to—I stopped asking for things years ago. I get what I want because asking always—for me—comes with consequences, but I’m trying to be better. I am.”
“I know,” I responded. “I also know I am not without fault. I should not have pushed you to tell me what you were clearly uncomfortable with.”
She pulled away softly, shaking her head, letting me see her flushed cheeks and swollen eyes as she wiped her tears. “No, no, you’re right. It’s… I… Today I—I lost someone.”
I frowned. “What?”
“Her name was Daiyu. We knew each other when we were kids, and today I watched—” She swallowed. “Today she died.” Her fingers fidgeted with the sleeves of my sweater.
“Zahra, we don’t have to—”
“No, I have to. If we want to take this any further, then you should know—you should know me.” She met my gaze firmly. “I trust you. I do. And I want this to work. I want us to work because I really,reallycare about you.” She pursed her lips. “And I might lose my eyes, so I gotta lock it in before you can run.”
I frowned again, confused. “What?”
“I cried… over you, and I once said I would stab myself in both eyes the day I cried over a guy, so…”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.” She sniffed, smiling sadly as her hand covered mine. “Come on,” she said, pulling me with her as we made our way out of the bathroom and back to the bedroom’s warmth. “I’m glad you realized your wristwatch was still here.”
My frown deepened. Of course she had noticed.
Zahra settled on the bed, and I settled beside her.
