She crossed a line she shouldn’t have; she tapped into a space she shouldn’t have.
She took me back to the first time I’d lost myself and my sense of place.
Seventeen. Happy. At peace with the fact that I’d managed to impress my father. Until he gave me a drink, and I woke up naked next to two women I didn’t remember meeting.
It was much like the situation I found myself in now. I was at peace, comfortable with someone I never thought I would grow fond of, someone that made me weak in all aspects, a careless addiction that I was beyond grateful for, my partner, the one I didn’t even realize I trusted until she broke it with a drink.
Until I woke up in a panic, sick to my stomach, unable to move.
She had resurrected demons I buried a long time ago.
It was so odd because this feeling was not directed at her. It was directed at me. I wouldn’t change anything. I would only correct, adjust, and rewrite.
I would test the gray area. Manipulate it in my favor. I would make sure there was no room for this to happen again. No room to hear my father laughing at me, so clear and loud, even if he wasn’t there. No room to be this vulnerable and defenseless without my permission.
My lack of control over my own mind vexed me.
It fucking hurt me that I had been shoved back into this space byher. The first person I’d dropped my guard for, the first person I had wholly trusted without even acknowledging it to myself, seeing how naturally it came.
This woman had seen me in ways nobody else has, no matter how important the reasons for her actions might have been; I thought we’d grown to the point that we shared a certain understanding.
I did not care if she had no idea how much her actions would affect me. She should have cleared it with me first.
I closed my eyes and swallowed hard before pulling them back open.
Almost simultaneously, the door pushed open, and in came Zahra.
The woman behind my turmoil walked in with a champagne bottle in her grip.
She wore a transparent robe that gave me a clear view of the sinful lingerie underneath; it was a red one-piece that did wonders for her curves. My cock twitched in response. Despite my animosity toward her, I couldn’t deny her body’s pull with mine; I couldn’t look away from her beauty. I couldn’t help myself.
My chest squeezed.
How had I given her the reins to my sense of self? When did my body become dependent, always waiting to answer the call of hers?
Her head moved in my direction, and her eyes widened.“Oh my God, you’re awake.” She almost doubled over, dropping the bottle on the dresser and quickly coming toward me, climbing up the bed, her warmth enveloping me, the familiar smell of her, sweet and mind-consuming, filled my senses, made me feel light, made my chest burn.
She was over me, on top of me, her hands were on my face, and her eyes were searching mine. “Are you okay? Do you have a headache? Fuck—I didn’t check if there were any side effects from the drug because I was in a hurry and had to get you off of that ship. I—” She stopped, guilt swirling in her eyes as she took in my expression. I didn’t know what it was, but if it was based on what I was feeling, then her abrupt stopping was understandable.
“I’m sorry,” she finished, swallowing. Her thumb grazed my cheek as she leaned farther down, and my eyes remained open as she kissed me on the lips and said again, “I’m sorry.” Then she started kissing my whole face and saying sorry repeatedly, and I failed to understand what exactly she was apologizing for.
I was so detached from this moment that it took me a while to register the sincerity in her eyes.
It saddened me that I couldn’t understand the sincerity.
“You’re angry, I understand. You have every right to be. But I need you to understand that I did it all for a reason. I have receipts to prove that this was for a good cause, aside from the fact that, well—I love seeing you bound up—but I just need to make sure you don’t want to kill me for drugging you.” She swallowed. “Because you look like you want to kill me.”
I didn’t respond.
She sighed, her teeth chewing the inside of her cheek, obviously worried.
“You know I would never hurt you, right? Unless you did something to hurt me, and you haven’t done anything to hurt me, so… you know this was not done out of animosity, right?”
I didn’t take my eyes off her and didn’t release the pressure on my brows or the frown on my face; my facial muscles did not agree with me.
I don’t know what I’m doing.
“I knew you would be angry.” She sounded disappointed. “Why wouldn’t you be?” She sighed, raking her hair back from her face. “I don’t know how to be open, I don’t know how to share. Maybe if I knew how, you wouldn’t be looking at me like I squeezed all the blood from your heart.”
