“No, Bear!” I said over a fit of laughter. “He was…fast. There was no—you know,preparty.”
“Do you mean there was no foreplay? Is that what you’re saying? Because we can’t fix this if you can’t be straight with me.”
“Yes. There was no foreplay. It was always, fast and—” I blew out a breath. “Missionary. He didn’t want to try anything else. And no judgement, it just wasn’t very passionate.”
“Shit. You dated that dude for three years. And that was after coming off the Virgin King, Bowie. This is what you were dealing with? It never got better with Carter?”
“No. He said our sex life was normal. And he’d had more relationships than me, so I assumed he was right back then.” I shrugged, shocked that I hadn’t thought to push for more with him. I wasn’t comfortable talking about sex back then. Hell, I was just finally starting to talk about it now, years later, and only with my best friend. But my girlfriends would talk about their sex lives, and theirs always sounded much more exciting than mine. But I guess I didn’t feel comfortable questioning things at the time.
“Why didn’t you ask me? We were together every damn day.” He threw his hands in the air.
“Because I knew you were doing things—differently. And with more women.”
I tried to hide the hint of jealousy in my voice. Had it always been there? I’d never loved seeing him with different women, but I’d chalked it up to not wanting to become friends with women he’d be moving on from shortly after. But maybe it was more than that? Or maybe I was just protective of him? “So I couldn’t ask for relationship advice from someone who didn’t have a relationship that lasted longer than a few weeks.”
“Hey, hey, now. A few weeks in college is like a lifetime for regular people. And what would I always tell you back then?” He paused as he waited for me to answer.
“That ‘the only girl you’d settle down with was me.’” I chuckled. “But you weren’t that guy, and we both knew it. It was just your shtick.”
“It wasn’t my shtick, Jeege. My relationships just sort of fizzled, and the only relationship with a female that ever went the distance was my friendship with you.” He wriggled his brows. “But if we’d tested the waters, I would have made sure you felt good every damn day, unlike your shitty boyfriends.”
“Well, the good news with my exes, at least the two before Gabriel, was that the lack of passion made for a very drama-free breakup. We ended amicably and there were no hurt feelings, so I’m calling it a win.”
“I recall both of them being pretty heartbroken.”
“Well, Bowie was sad for a few weeks, and we just talked it through on the phone a lot, but things never got ugly and we’re still friends today.” I shrugged. “And Carter did try to convince me to stay, but it blew over.”
“Didn’t he fucking propose to you?” He had a wicked grin on his face, because he’d been with me when Carter dropped to his knee unexpectedly after we’d broken up.
“There was no ring. It was a drunken Hail Mary,” I said over my laughter. “And he and I are still very friendly today.”
“Okay, so tell me about your final lover, Gabriel. He’s a fucking grown man, and he’s French, for fuck’s sake. Frenchmen are supposed to be born with swagger. He must have known his way around a pussy.”
“Cutler!” I shrieked, feeling my cheeks heat with embarrassment.
His head tipped back in laughter. “What? We’re talking about sex. You’ve got a pussy and you shouldn’t be afraid to talk about it.”
“Oh my gosh. Stop. This conversation is over.” I covered my mouth to hide my smile and glanced out at the water.
I needed a minute.
“This conversation is just getting started, Jeege.” He took the last pull from his beer and waited for me to meet his gaze. “Did he at least make you come?”
I reached for my glass and gulped down the rest of my wine before tipping my chin up confidently. “No. I’ve never had an orgasm during sex.”
I mean, it’s the reason I’m here having this conversation with Cutler Heart.
Because it was time to change that.
I was twenty-eight years old, and no man had ever shown me true pleasure.
That didn’t sit well with me.
I wanted more.
“Fuck me,” he said on a growl, getting up from the table and walking toward the house.
“Where are you going?” I called after him. “We’re done?”
