I crawled up her body and moved beside her, adjusting her so that her head rested on my chest. “Good morning, baby.”
Her fingers traced along the muscles on my stomach. “Not a bad way to wake up. I’m going to miss this.”
It was the perfect segue.
“Yeah? We haven’t really talked about you leaving, and it’s only a few days away. Do you think we should discuss it?” I asked as I rubbed her arm.
She didn’t move. Didn’t turn to look at me. But I could suddenly feel the tension radiating from her body. “We knew it was coming, but I didn’t expect it to be this—complicated.”
“I didn’t either.” It was the truth, the sad reality that was waiting for us.
“You’re not a relationship guy, remember?” she chuckled, but it wasn’t genuine, and we both knew it. She wanted to make light of this, but that wasn’t going to work.
“Maybe I didn’t realize the right girl was there in front of me the whole time. I’m not proud to say I didn’t let myself see what this was until now,” I said, laying it all out there.
She pushed herself up, taking the sheet with her, then wrapped it around herself so she was sitting up facing me, her legs tucked beneath her.
“I don’t think either of us knew what this was. It was supposed to be casual. Friends with benefits, remember?” she said, her bottom lip trembling. “That’s what I expected it to be. Because I already fell on my face giving up everything for a man before I came here, and I’ve made all these plans to restart my life. To focus on my career. This wasn’t supposed to happen, Bear.”
I reached up with the pad of my thumb and swiped at the tear rolling down her cheek. It nearly broke me to see that tormented look in her eyes.
“What wasn’t supposed to happen?” I sat forward, wanting to pull her onto my lap and kiss her senseless, but I knew we needed to have this conversation.
“I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with you,” she whispered, and when she looked up, I saw so much pain in her eyes.
It wasn’t the right time for us.
It never had been.
I knew it. She knew it.
But that didn’t make it any easier.
Hearing those words—it did something to me. I wanted to hold on to this moment, memorize it and savor it.
She loved me too.
It was fucking ironic that we were here.
Both admitting our feelings. And now we were going to be living on opposite sides of the country.
“Sometimes you can’t plan these things. I’ve never been in love, Jeege, not until now. Obviously, I’ve always loved you, but this is different. And I sure as shit didn’t plan it. But I don’t regret one damn thing about this. Not one thing, Jeege.”
“You don’t?” she croaked as tears streamed down her beautiful face.
“No. Because I’ve loved you my whole life, Gracie Reynolds. I loved you when I was a kid and I didn’t know what it meant. I loved you when I didn’t even believe in this kind of love. I loved you when I was in meaningless relationships that meant nothing to me. I loved you when you were in serious relationships. And I will love you for as long as I’m on this earth.”
“Cutler,” she sniffed, the word barely audible. “How am I supposed to leave now? I’m moving to the other side of the country. A different time zone. A long plane ride away. This isn’t like I’m going to be living in Los Angeles, and we can drive back and forth. I don’t know how this is going to work.”
Her anxiety was palpable. Thick and real and overwhelming.
I’d always been able to feel Gracie’s pain, and I felt it more than ever now.
“Hey.” I used the pads of my thumbs to swipe her tears away before placing my hand beneath her chin and tipping it up until her gaze met mine. “This isn’t our time, baby. But that doesn’t change the way we feel. Nor would I ever ask you to give up your dreams for me.”
This was the most difficult thing I’d ever done, and I’d had some difficult days in my life.
But convincing the woman I loved that it was okay to leave me—that would forever be the hardest thing I’d ever done.
