I have to look away for a second. Kelsey’s watching me and I have no idea what my face is doing.
“Okay," I say. I'm not sure what else to say. Especially to my daughter.
Kelsey takes a breath. "I came here to apologize. For what I said to you yesterday. On the path."
“Kels, you don't have to?—"
"Yeah, I do." She cuts me off, firm. "The thing about your relationships not lasting. That was mean. I was scared and angry and I wanted to hurt you, and that's not an excuse."
Apologies are about as hard for Kelsey as talking about feelings are for Jason, so I stay quiet and let her take her time.
"And the part about you destroying Dad's faith, his career—" She shakes her head. "That wasn't fair either. I was acting like you're the one doing something to him, when really, he's a grown man making his own choices. You're not some…some wrecking ball."
I think about the night of Leah's funeral. About all the years since. About how close I've come, over and over, to wrecking everything.
"I'm not so sure about that," I say quietly.
"Daddy." She crosses the room and stops in front of me. “I talked to Dad for a long time. About the Church, about me leaving, about…about what he's risking. I still don’t understand why you two need to…” she flaps her hand between us and looks deeply uncomfortable. “Do whatever you’re doing, especially this week.”
“Yeah, well,” I sigh. “I didn’t set out to seduce your stepfather this week, Kels.”
“That’s more or less what he said, too. Which, if neither of you planned this, makes even less sense that it happened this week, but whatever.”
It happened this week because it’s the first time in fifteen years we’ve been forced to spend any significant time in each other’s presence, but I’m definitely not telling Kelsey that. Because that opens the door to more questions that I’m not willing to answer. Like, would it have happened sooner if we had spent more time together in the past fifteen years? If I’d pushed more to be present in Jason’s life with Kelsey instead of just in Kelsey’s life without him?
"I don't know what's going to happen with you two," she continues. "And honestly, it's still weird as hell that my dads are sleeping together. But I can see that you care about him. I think I've been able to see that for a while, if I'm honest. I just didn't want to look too closely."
"Kels—"
"I'm not done." She holds up a hand. "I told Dad to be careful with you. Because I think this might mean more to you than he realizes." She searches my face. "Am I right?"
I could deflect. I could make a joke, change the subject, keep my cards close the way I always do.
But Kelsey is looking at me with her eyebrows drawn together the way Leah used to, and I'm so tired of pretending.
"Yeah," I say. "You're right."
She nods slowly. "How long?"
I know what she's asking. How long have I been in love with him? How long have I been waiting?
"A while,” I say. It's as close to the truth as I can give her. "Longer than I like to admit."
She's quiet for a moment, processing. I brace myself for more questions. Questions I don't want to answer, questions that might force me to lie to her directly.
But all she says is: "Does he know?"
"I don't know. I doubt it. I haven't—" I run a hand through my hair. "I haven't exactly spelled it out for him."
"Maybe you should."
“I don’t know about that.” I manage a small smile. "One terrifying confession at a time, okay?"
She laughs, a little watery. "Fair enough."
We stand there for a moment, the two of us, in the middle of the living room. The cool evening breeze blows through the balcony doors, making the filmy curtains billow.
"I love you, Daddy," she says.
