‘Ladies and gentlemen, we have ourselves a little old cat lady,’ the Highlander intoned. ‘Do you hate men? Are you a dedicated virgin?’
Really? Hundreds of years old and this stereotype was what they were going with?
Jonesy took up the thread. ‘Are you sad? Lonely?’ He started to circle me. ‘Bitter?’
‘I think the answer to all those questions is a resounding yes.’ The Highlander sniffed. ‘I can smell a whiff of cat pee, too.’
Now he was definitely lying. It would be a shame if I had to kill two vampires because they were idiots, but I was no longer confident that I could talk my way out of this one. Something inside me brightened at the thought that violence might be my only option.
I tried one last-ditch effort at peace because of the blood contract I’d signed. ‘Gentlemen,’ I said. ‘Please. I am here on business. I’ve been sanctioned by the Suite for Bureaucratic Affairs – I’ve been working with Lady Penelope.’
‘Oooooh!’ The Highlander made a sarcastic dance with his hands. ‘Lady Penelope!’
Jonesy stopped circling, threw back his head and laughed – then he snapped forward, opened his mouth and dipped his head towards my throat. His fangs scraped my skin. ‘We don’t usually drink straight from the vein,’ he purred. ‘But I think I’ll make an exception in your case.’
I felt his cold breath against my skin. Screw this.
I dropped my bag and reached for the curved dagger that was strapped to my back. There were three surefire methodsto kill a vampire – a wooden stake through the heart, sunlight and decapitation – but even though my little steel blade wouldn’t end any undead lives, it could definitely do some serious harm.
I was starting to pull it out of its sheath when another voice commanded, ‘Leave her alone!’
Alan. I exhaled and hastily slid the dagger away and put my hand in my pocket. Honest, guv, nothing to see here.
Both Jonesy and the Highlander surprised me by jumping away like guilty cats who’d been pawing at forbidden treats. That was interesting.
‘We weren’t doing nothing,’ Jonesy said loudly.
The Highlander nodded vigorously. ‘She’s a stranger wandering around the tunnels in the middle of the day – we were making sure she’s allowed to be here. She refused to show us her mark so we thought she’d sneaked in.’
I raised an eyebrow. I was a terrible liar but the gothic Highlander was far worse. I glanced at Alan, who looked absolutely furious. ‘I ought to drag you two to the cells!’
Cells? It stood to reason that there was some sort of vampire jail down here, but it was the first I’d heard about them.
‘We can’t have randoms wandering around the tunnels, Lord Alan! You know that!’
As Alan glared at Jonesy, his clenched fists and the bulging vein in his forehead spoke of his anger. Goodness.
‘Why not?’ I asked casually. ‘Isn’t it safe?’
Jonesy opened his mouth to answer but Alan was already speaking. ‘The two of you need to get out of here before I decide to take this infringement further.’
‘Yes, Lord Alan.’
‘Of course, Lord Alan.’ They bowed, scraped and backed away.
‘Wait!’ Alan barked. Both hapless vamps froze. ‘Apologise tothe lady first!’
Jonesy didn’t hesitate. ‘Sorry.’
The Highlander dropped his head. ‘Yeah,’ he sniffed. ‘Sorry.’
I examined their faces then moved forward and reached towards the Highlander’s chest. With one swift movement, I unclipped the beetle brooch. ‘I’m taking this,’ I declared.
The Highlander clearly wanted to protest and looked at Alan for help. When none was forthcoming, he lowered his head again. ‘Alright,’ he mumbled.
‘Now get out of here,’ Alan said. Both vampires turned tail and ran.
I extracted the chain from the beetle’s back leg and placed the insect gently on the ground where it wasted no time in scuttling away.Be free, little thing; you deserve a better existence than to be a piece of jewellery.
