‘I am Lady Penelope,’ she sniffed.
I couldn’t resist. ‘Penny for short?’
The vampire glowered. ‘You will address me as Lady Penelope.’
So far, so expected. Almost every vampire I’d ever met possessed a similar attitude; no wonder they rarely made friends outside their own kind.
I stared at her coldly beautiful face. She still looked deathly pale, but now that I was closer I saw that her skin was blemish free. No scars, no freckles, no spots. Any number of beauty companies would have killed for a recipe that would produce that sort of complexion. Many had tried to replicate it but none had succeeded.
Lady Penelope’s bone structure was well-defined and angular, giving her a patrician air. Her eyes were vampire red and her dark-brown hair was bound up in a tight, elaborate bun. I caught glimpses of several hair pins and I suspected that her natural look wasn’t nearly as sleek.
Her outfit was as formal as her hairstyle and, from thelooks of things, included a tight corset with laces designed to make her waist as tiny as possible. It gave me hives just thinking about it. I liked being able to breathe – but I wasn’t undead.
‘Are you finished with your examination?’ she asked, clipping each word to sound as imperious as possible.
‘Unless you let me listen to your heart and touch your skin, then yeah,’ I said. ‘I’m finished.’
Her lip curled. ‘Do not try to be cute. It doesn’t suit you.’
Nice to meet you too, I thought sardonically. At least Alan had made an attempt to be friendly.
Lady Penelope was the textbook definition of a vampire. She was probably several hundred years old, even though she appeared younger than me. I sincerely hoped I wouldn’t have to spend too long in her company.
I smiled brightly. ‘I’m very cute and I refuse to be told otherwise.’ I might be deep within the vampires’ domain but that didn’t mean I’d let them intimidate me. ‘Now, tell me,’ I went on. ‘How does this work? Alan said that you’d have a visitor’s pass for me.’
Lady Penelope tsked. ‘All in good time. I will escort you to the Bureaucratic Suite where we will discuss your visit and your limitations.’
I raised an eyebrow. The Bureaucratic Suite? That sounded like a whole heap of fun. I’d known vampires were cold but I hadn’t realised quite how far they leaned into a complete lack of humour. The next seven nights could be very long indeed.
‘In that case,’ I gestured ahead with a flourish, ‘lead the way.’
Lady Penelope lifted her head, tilting her nose upwards at least an inch above what must have been comfortable, then glided ahead. Her footsteps were surprisingly speedy given the restrictive nature of her clothing. I scurried to catch up; the last thing I wanted was to end up lost in the Understream.
Once we’d settled into a suitable pace where I marched quickly and the vampire appeared to do little more than saunter, I tried to engage her in small talk. ‘So how long have you been vamp?’ I asked.
She waited a beat before answering. ‘Are you trying to ascertain my age, Ms McCafferty?’
‘Call me Kit.’
Lady Penelope sighed. ‘It is very rude to ask a lady her age. Someone like you should know that.’
Jeez. Weren’t vampires supposed to be proud of their longevity? Whatever. ‘You know what they say,’ I said, undeterred. ‘The older, the wiser.’
The only response was a sniff. Fair enough. Next I tried a compliment: perhaps that would soften her up. Given her appearance, she had to be vain. ‘I like your dress. The colour suits you.’
‘Perhaps you should take notes,’ she retorted. ‘What style are you aiming for with your outfit?’
I plucked at my blouse and colourful cardigan; I hadn’t gone for my ninja-like assassin’s uniform but for my usual cat-lady attire.
She continued before I could answer. ‘Is fuzzy knitwear gracing the pages ofVoguethese days? Or is this your attempt at dressing up for the occasion?’
I grinned. She was clearly offended by my choice of clothing and I took that as a positive. The worst response would have been apathy; I could work with derision. Her attitude gave me more of an edge than she realised.
‘I figured it would be cold down here so I layered up. And I figured that you vampires would wear dark colours so my brightest outfit would help me stand out.’
‘You want to draw attention to yourself? You are aware that to us you are little more than food?’
‘In the natural world, the brightest colours are often the most poisonous,’ I said cheerfully.
