The words bubble in my throat, damned and desperate.
I’m leaving tomorrow. I’m still in love with you. I don’t think I’ll ever stop. I think you love me, too, in your own way.
But I can’t forgive. I can’t forget. When you wake, I’ll be gone. I won’t plague you with my presence anymore, but I’ll never be able to erase your touch from my skin, never ease your grip around my heart. Please, just let me hold you one last time.
One.
Last.
Time.
Self-loathing crawls up my throat and chokes me, clawing at my insides, and squeezes a vise around my lungs, worse than any iron shackle. My mouth tastes like blood and bile and ash and regret, heart punching my ribs in a desperate plea.Don’t. Don’t do it. Stop hurting her. Don’t fucking hurt her anymore.Stopstopstopstopstop.
Lightning strike me, Skies damn me, Tides fucking drown me.
Because I summon a storm.
Chapter Sixty-Four
Rainpeltsthewindow.There’s a boom of thunder that makes me flinch, only because I know what it’s doing to her. WhatI’mdoing to her because I’m a selfish bastard.
Her energy signature pulses wildly.
Deep, rasping breaths beneath the covers, and Skies, I hate myself.
I’m the worst type of man.
Another loud crack of thunder shakes the room, and her breath chokes on a mangled sob. Soft whimpers pierce my heart, guilt flooding my veins like poison.
Lightning flashes, illuminating her shaking form, and I find the courage to rise from the sofa. The mattress dips beneath my weight as I carefully peel the covers off her head. I slide into the bed beside her, leaving half a foot of space between us. My hand wavers, but I don’t let myself touch her. I don’t deserve to.
Not after what I did in the tent.
What I’m doing now.
The thunder cracks again, and she flinches so hard, it shatters my restraint.
I reach for her, palm open. Waiting. Her face is wet with tears, blue eyes anguished.I did this.I willalwaysdo this if I stay.
Thunder booms again—fuck—the storm is growing larger than I intended. The loud crack sends Mayah scrambling across the mattress into my arms, and the jagged shards of my broken heart scrape together.
She rests her head on my bare chest, silent sobs racking her frame. She lets me stroke her hair and rub circles against her back. I tangle my legs with hers, desperate to have her as close to me as possible. Eyes clenched tight, I hold her in my arms, savoring the way her breath fans against my skin, the heat of her body against mine.
One last time, baby.
I hook my finger under her chin, gently tilting her face and wiping away her tears.
“I’m sorry,” I rasp. “For how I treated you last time.” I swallow hard. “You didn’t deserve that.”
“I’m sorry, too,” she whispers, voice wavering. “For everything. Zev, I—I miss yousomuch. I miss the way you teased me. Cared for me. Held me. I miss the light in your eyes when you saw me from across a room. Tides, your smile that was just for me.” She’s sobbing, hands clutching my shoulders. “This was never supposed to happen. I was to marry your brother. I would’ve despised him. Been eager to kill him. I would’ve found the tunnels, smuggled in the poison, killed everyone. I wouldn’t have been left with this gaping hollow inside me whereyoulive now, Zev. You made a home for yourself in my heart, and then I—Tides,fuck.” A deep, shuddering breath. Her eyes glimmer with fresh tears, waiting to drip down her pale cheeks. “I’m aching for you, Zev. Just like you wanted me to be. I need you so bad, I’m drowning.”
Not a single prickle.
It’s incomprehensibly cruel for my truthwielding to not work on her. I want to believe her, Skies, I do.
Mayah, on her knees, beside her captain’s corpse, blue eyes brimming with grief.
His lips on her mouth, her leg around his waist.
