Ifucked up.
I know it the moment she walks out, tears shining in her eyes.
Hell, I knew it the moment I dragged Ollie into that office and opened my damn mouth, demanding that she tell me why she defended me against Jerri. I shouldn’t have done it, but I was so clouded by shame, embarrassment, and anger that I couldn’t think. All I could see were all those people standing there watching and seeing me as the weak, broken man I’ve tried so hard to hide.
I just wanted to remove her and myself from everyone’s view and regain some control over the situation. But I only made things worse.
“Fuck!” I slam my fist into the wooden wall in front of me, causing it to shudder as dust puffs into the air like a toxic plume, choking me. Pain shoots up my arm, but it does little against the anger and self-hatred burning me from the inside out.
Useless.Pathetic. Incompetent.
Jerri’s vile words whisper in the back of my mind, haunting my every waking moment. It’s not the first time she’s said those things to me. They were some of the first things that came out of her mouth when I woke up in that damn hospital after the IED explosion that killed my entire unit and ruined me.
“You’re supposed to be a trained professional, Rhys, not a pathetic, useless idiot rotting away in bed. How the hell can I stay married to someone like you when you look likethat?”That was what she said to me the day she handed me the divorce papers.
It was my second day out of an induced coma.
I grab my hair with both hands and yank it, but the sting does nothing against the agonising memories bombarding my mind. Of howweakI felt lying in that hospital bed. Familiar guilt gnaws at my insides alongside the impotent anger and fear of being useless and letting the people I love down. Again.
Fuck. Why can’t I keep my shit together? The last thing this group needs is for me to lose it. They need me to be strong and capable. To lead them back home to Haven and to safety. Especially after everything that’s happened today, with that small horde and Ingrid being shot by one of us.
I knew before setting off to save Jerri that the journey home with her was going to be tough. She’s someone who lashes out when she’s scared or threatened. I just didn’t expect it to be this bad.
The door to the room flies open and crashes into the wall beside it. More plumes of dust puff up around me, causing my eyes and throat to burn as I cough.
“What the fuck did you do?” Theo snarls as he stalks into the room like a panther intent on killing its prey.
I’ve seen that look in his eyes before, but this is the first time he’s directed it at me.
“I fucked up,” I tell him, not even attempting to justify myself. “I lashed out at Ollie for defending me against Jerri.”
He stops a few inches away from me, and while he may be slightly shorter, it does little to reduce the pure fury and malice pouring off him as he glares at me. “Too right, you fucked up. You made that beautiful, brave, and smart woman fuckingcryafter shedefendedyou.”
I wince as burning hot self-loathing and disgust rolls through me. “I know.”
His nostrils flare and the muscles in his shoulders bunch like he’s about to slam his fists into me. “I don’t care what you have to do, Rhys, but you need to sort your shit out.” He closes the distance between us and gets right up into my face, his eyes boring into mine. “You hurt her like that again and I’ll do more than punch some sense into you.”
In the blink of an eye, he slams his fist into the side of my face.
The pain is immediate and blinding as I stagger back, the entire side of my face on fire. But I don’t fight back. I deserve this and more. I simply wait for the next hit.
It never comes.
Instead Theo stands there, breathing hard with a mixture of pain, anger, and pity. It’s the pity that hurts the most.
“You’re my best friend, Rhys, but you need to stop getting in the way of your own happiness,” he says with a heavy sigh and a shake of his head. “Before it’s too late and you lose it completely.”
And then he walks out, leaving me with a rapidly bruising face and an equally bruised heart.
Theo
My best friend isa fucking idiot.
It’s the only thought going through my mind as I stalk through the barn and up the staircase to the first floor. A few people shoot me curious glances, but with one look at my expression, they quickly look away. The tension in the building is already thick and my mood isn’t helping things.
Something we’ll need to sort out before it turns deadly.
I find Alex and Ollie in the small room we placed her in to recover. She’s snuggled in her sleeping bag, smelling slightly of soap and her hair a little damp from giving herself a quick wash. Her hands are curled around a steaming pot while Harlow lies next to her, eyeing the pot with hungry eyes.
