He’d then proceeded to not mention a single thing about his love life ever since.
And while his face burned as soon as he started talking, it felt…okay. Like, awkward, but okay. Less strange than he might have imagined. Obviously he didn’t explain any of the sexual details, but he was somehow able to explain that he, you know, cared. About a person. Maybe it helped that Leah already knew Emerson.
Maybe it helped that Luca had already been talking to Leah so much more since he’d stayed home from the boats. He’d learned to be quiet, growing up here in the middle of a loud household. But these last few weeks when it had only been him and his mom—it had grown easier to open his mouth.
Leah listened patiently until he got to the part where Jayden told him he’d kill him. Twice.
At that, she burst into laughter.
Luca stared at her, mouth agape.
“Mom,” he said. “That is like, the least funny part.”
Except even as he said it, he started to laugh, too. He couldn’t be mad at his mom when she laughed. She really was the most beautiful person. And she was even more beautiful when she laughed.
“I’m sorry!” She fluttered a hand over her face. “It’s just—my sweet, dear Luca. You’ve never been threatened by anyone before, have you?”
“No!” he shouted. And then, withanother laughing, flaming-cheeked look down into his mug, he assessed, “It felt weird.”
“I imagine it did. Oh, poor Jayden.”
His head jerked toward her again, all laughter fizzled out. “PoorJayden?”
“Of course.” She gave a slight frown. “Okay. Here are my thoughts, from what you’ve told me thus far. You say Emerson is convinced the divorce was his fault.”
“Yeah.” Luca nodded. “I’m pretty sure he beats himself up over it.”
“But Jayden was the one who left,” Leah said, without judgment. “He was the one who gave up on the farm. I don’t doubt that he still loves Emerson, that he never stopped loving Emerson, but I’m equally certain that Jayden thinks the divorce washisfault. That he broke his own heart just as strongly as Emerson broke his by needing to stay. The tragedy, of course, is that they can’tseeit’s neither of their faults. That sometimes lives just don’t align. But a year isn’t so very long, once you get old; this is still fresher for both of them than they probably realize. I’m sure they’ll see things more clearly one day.
“When it comes toyou, though, Luca—I’m sure that conversation with Jayden wasn’t comfortable. But it also sounds, to me, like he was giving you permission.”
Luca’s brow furrowed.
“But—”
“He didn’t say,stay away from my man.He said,don’t hurt him. Those are the words of someone who’s accepted what’s already happening.”
Huh.
Luca rotated his mug around in his hands.
“I’m not mad at Jayden, either, really,” he admitted. “I obviously understand being in love with Emerson. But I guess the problem, for me, is that Emerson is still in love with him.”
“And you think that precludes him from also being in love with you?”
“Maybe,” Luca mumbled into his palm oil.
“Well, son, I’m going to have to disagree with you there. I’ve been at that farm. I’ve seen how Emerson looks at you with my own eyes.”
Luca looked away, embarrassed.
“Listen. Luca.” Leah adjusted herself on the bed, turning her body toward his. “You know I love your father. No one would sign up for this life if love wasn’t involved. Separated for weeks at a time for a good chunk of the year, never knowing each time you say goodbye ifthiswill be the trip when the sea takes away your husband? Hell, half of your family?”
Luca looked back then.
“You really think that? Every time we leave?”
“Of course. Trust me, Luca, when you said you were giving up that life? We weren’t disappointed. I think both meandyour father wererelieved. The point is, I love your father with my whole entire soul, so this is the life I’ve chosen. But if your father one day does pass before I do?” Leah shrugged. “I would be heartbroken, of course. But maybe one day, I start to heal. Maybe one day, someone else comes into my life. Now, I know everyone’s different when it comes to these things. I know some people think you have one soulmate and that’s it, done, forever. But part of me likes to think I’d have the capacity to love again. And I’d certainly want your father to do the same if I passed first. I wouldn’t want him to sit around alone forever, hurting over me.”
