Luca stood alone on the dirt path, hands still fisted in his pockets, as he watched him walk away.
twenty-one
If Luca spentthe next hour or so inside a pasture, trying to talk out his feelings to a cow and a bunch of chickens—well, no one needed to know. He could hear, distantly, the boom of the DJ from across the farm, the indistinct hum of music. It seemed everything was going just fine without him.
And he knew the goats wouldn’t be good listeners.
Anyway, Sally seemed to be pretty sick of him after a while, and he was sure at this point every piece of his clothing and follicle of his hair had fully absorbed the smell of manure, so it seemed like the right time to go and try to get his man back.
In truth, even an hour of having one-sided conversations with livestock hadn’t helped him suss out exactly how he was going to do that. If his man was even his man in the first place. But he figured he could at least ask Emerson for a dance. And during that dance, he’d ask if they could talk the next day. And maybe a full night’s rest would help Luca find the right words to express it all, theactualmost important words in his goddamn life. That he was in love with Emerson, and this fucking farm, and he was tired of being passive about thethings he felt, of letting his life roll right over him. He wasn’t going to let Jayden roll over him, either. He was going to stay on this farm until Emerson kicked him out. And the day that happened, at least Luca would know that he’d tried.
He trudged up the hill toward the music and the lights.
He was surprised, when he opened the old barn door, at the wall of heat that hit him. Emerson had been worried, Luca knew, about the lack of heating in the barn, how nights could get cold here. But that apparently wasn’t a problem when a hundred moving bodies were involved. Pulling the collar of the old dress shirt he’d stolen from Daniel’s closet away from his neck, Luca pushed into the crowd.
Past the tack room, at the corner of the open space that now encompassed tables and a dance floor, Luca paused and scanned the barn.
He saw lots of faces he now recognized, from the rehearsal dinner and from the day; he saw Julie and a stunner of a dark-haired woman he assumed was her partner. He saw Mae and Dell, whom he’d seen across the crowd earlier, too. Dell looked hot, like he always did, but Luca thought he actually looked a bit uncomfortable in his suit. But as he tugged Mae and their bubblegum-wrapper of a dress closer to his thick body, he mostly just looked happy. Happier than Luca had certainly ever seen him in a crowd. Luca was only glad for him.
But he didn’t see?—
There. In the opposite corner, hands stuck in his pockets. Standing alone and looking out at the crowd, just like Luca was. He looked exhausted, just like Luca felt. Like Emerson was waiting for Luca to find him. To take him home.
Luca stepped forward.
And he watched as Jayden got there first.
Emerging from the crowd, Jayden put his hand on Emerson’s arm. Said something in Emerson’s ear. Smiling, Emerson looked up at him and nodded.
The DJ transitioned to a slow song. Emerson and Jayden walked onto the dance floor and into each other’s arms.
Emerson’s head settled onto Jayden’s shoulder like it belonged there.
Luca watched for a minute. Two. Watched Jayden murmur something into Emerson’s ear. Watched Emerson say something back. Whatever he said, he said it with a smile.
Luca turned and walked away.
He didn’t know where he was going. He couldn’t go to his cabin. Couldn’t go back inside the farmhouse, surrounded by pictures of Jayden and Emerson’s happy life, Jayden’s neat handwriting all over his room. He only knew he couldn’t stay here.
Without saying goodbye to a soul, Luca slipped out of the barn and into the night.
The wedding,by all accounts that Emerson had been able to see, had been a success.
All the vendors had shown up on time with the right things. The only tears that had been shed were happy ones. Both Jayden and Luca had been there to greet and smile and guide, a relief so full in Emerson’s chest he was still wrapping his head around it. It was starting to rain now, a light Oregon drizzle, but the weather had held during all the important moments: the arrival of happy guests on a yellow school bus; the exchanging of vows in the middle of a wildflower field; the taking of photos. The barn, too, had held. No mice had run over toes; no beams had fallen on heads; there had been no electrical outages. It was loud and boisterous at the moment, full of music and drinks and dancing and life.
And Emerson couldn’t wait for it to be over.
He was glad everyone was having a good time; he was gladBen and Alexei seemed happiest of all. Truly, he was. He had had a good time, too, more than he would’ve expected he was capable of even a few weeks ago.
He was also exhausted.
He’d escaped the mayhem a bit ago to make sure the animals were taken care of in the other barn, and that had been a welcome respite. But otherwise, he’d been surrounded by people since dawn, and all he wanted was to escape into the quiet of his house and fall into bed with Luca.
Except he couldn’t find him.
They’d seen each other less throughout the day than Emerson had expected, only glimpses and walkbys here and there, other than during the ceremony. But it had felt right, starting the day with Luca. Being together for the most important part. And now he was ready to end it with him. To pass out for a solid ten hours and then wake up and make a plan about what happened next.
Emerson should have already had that talk with Luca, about what happened next. He knew that. But after watching Ben and Alexei embrace each other all day, embrace what theywanted—he felt especially ready now.
