They sat like that a minute. It was ridiculous, probably, how much Emerson’s heartrate kicked up from this barest amount of contact. If Daisy looked up, she probably wouldn’t even be able to tell they were touching.
He realized he’d be okay with it, though, if she did.
Would she be confused?
He didn’t know. His gut wanted to say no, she’d be fine. She loved Luca, had been fine with him living with them for a month now. But maybe she’d still be confused.
They could talk about it, though. After Emerson talked to Jay.
Emerson should probably talk to Jay.
Except—wait. What would he even say?Wasthere anything to say? What did Emersonwantto say?
One morning at the beach, one brush of Luca’s pinky against his, and Emerson was suddenly living in fantasies.
And then Luca faced forward again, and began talking.
“When I’m being kind to myself about it, I tell myself it’s not my fault. Wanting to be a writer, I mean. Growing up in Greyfin Bay, you’re always staring out at the ocean. You could see it from our house, up in those hills.”
He turned his head, looked at the foothills that rose into the opposite horizon before looking back at the water.
“Being a fisherman—even more so. But when you’re on a boat, at least when you’re not stuck in your bunk, you also spend so much time studying the sky. They’re both so fucking vast, you know? So, it wasn’t my fault. When you spend such a large portion of your life staring at these infinite things. I don’t know, maybe it’s inevitable. That you start looking for other worlds.”
Emerson stared at him.
Luca squinted, scratched his head.
“Anyway, that was like, the most earnest thing I’ve ever said out loud, so I’m gonna need you to stop looking at me now.”
I love you, Emerson thought.
It was such a calm thought, so basic and clear.
Not a fantasy at all.
Maybe he’d never have anything real to tell Daisy or Jayden about what Luca Yaeger was to him. Maybe this all went awayone day, maybe one day soon. But Emerson’s heart knew it. Simple and true.
And because he loved him, Emerson followed Luca’s request and turned his face back toward the ocean, back to where Daisy still stabbed her stick into the sand.
It should have felt stranger, he knew. He’d only ever been in love with one other person before. Even after the divorce, even after he and Jayden had awkwardly encouraged each other to date again, Emerson had never contemplated actually loving someone else. It just hadn’t seemed like something he’d ever be able to do. That box had already been checked. His heart had already been filled. Even if the box had fallen apart, it wasn’t something Emerson could uncheck, something he could undo. He could only continue to hold it all, even as the box grew messy. It was still his box.
And now here he was.
He still didn’t quite understand the consequences of it. How it would all work, if Luca felt the same, if they wanted…Emerson didn’t even know. Something more.
But right here, right now, filling another box only felt easy.
“Jayden and I broke up because of the farm,” he said, as abruptly as he’d said anything since they’d walked onto this beach. Like the moment they’d left Short King Farms together, Emerson’s chest had simply cracked open.
Or maybe it was because Emerson didn’t know what to say to Luca’s speech about being a writer. He had a feeling Luca probably didn’t want him to say anything about it.
But Emerson could give him something in return.
He felt Luca’s eyes on him. The heat of those eyes on him still pooled in his belly, every single time.
And then Luca looked forward again and said, “Yeah?”
“Yeah. We lived together in Portland for a long time after he graduated from college. He worked in marketing; I kept working at farms outside the city. But he knew it was mydream to have my own. He went along with it when we found this place, because he knew I wanted it so badly, but…” Emerson sighed. “Jay’s not a farmer. He belongs in a city. He tried; I know he really did. I wouldn’t have been able to get the business side of it going at all without him. He put his heart into getting us up and running while I worked on the land. Our logo, our website and socials, connections to the community, setting up the CSA and getting us into markets…all Jay.”
