Jayden was typing on his phone before Emerson had even finished Luca’s last name.
“There’s not a lot out there,” Emerson said. “According to Google. But trust me, he’s a good guy.”
Jayden kept typing, face blank. Until?—
“Em. IsthisLuca Yaeger?”
He shoved the phone across the space between them. As soon as Emerson caught even a glimpse of the photo—Lucalooking away from the camera, the cut of his jawline in perfect profile, tanned skin highlighted by a setting sun, his hair longer, curlier than how Emerson had seen it—Emerson felt his face heat.
“Yeah,” he said. “That’s him.”
“This is him. The most handsome man we’ve ever seen stumbled into you at a bar and is now going to be living in the guest bedroom.”
Pink crept up Jayden’s cheeks, more and more vivid as the seconds passed. The way Jayden’s face looked when he was truly upset. Emerson had known this new plan might be a hard sell to Jayden, but if anything he’d worried Jay would laugh, or look at Emerson in skeptical pity. He didn’t think he would be truly angry. And Emerson couldn’t exactly, precisely figure out why.
“Why does his handsomeness—wait.” Emerson frowned, reaching out a finger to scroll down the screen. “Are you…using this app now?”
Jayden snatched the phone back.
Which was good. Luca was to be his employee. Kind of. Emerson should not be looking at his dating profile.
Especially since Emerson was pretty sure this particular app didn’t specialize indating.
“I haven’t…usedit yet, technically.”
“Sorry.” Emerson flushed even deeper. “You can use those apps, obviously. None of my business.”
The phone rested between them. They stared at it, both of their faces overheated.
“It’s…scary. Thinking about using them. Even if there are, like, categories, there’s no…way to be sure. It’s scary, thinking about trying with someone who doesn’t know me like you.”
Emerson swallowed.
“I’m sorry, Jay.”
Jayden shook his head, cheeks pinker than ever, looking steadfastly away.
“No need to be sorry.” His next words came slow and quiet. “You can use them, too, you know.”
“Yeah.”
And for a long moment, Emerson was overtaken by a desire to open his mouth and spill it all. Like he used to.
Jayden’s transition wasn’t what had driven them apart. If anything, it had brought them closer together, for a time, even amidst the stress of raising Daisy and starting a farm. Jayden sharing this intimate, fascinating process with Emerson, this thing that made him morehim, this thing…that made Emerson re-evaluate his sexuality. Or rather, fully, honestly evaluate his sexuality for maybe the first time in his life. Working through all of that together had felt like being a newly-born animal, stumbling around a new world on shaky legs. A world that felt surprising at first, but just as quickly felt right. Like Emerson’s body had always inherently known it was there, just waiting for him to walk into the sunlight.
Even with the stumbling, all the trips and bruised knees, it had been the coolest, most vulnerable experience Emerson had ever lived through. Next to raising Daisy, which felt, really, the exact same way.
He hadn’t meant what he’d just said.None of my business.He wanted all of it to be his business. He wanted to look through the apps together, wanted to screen the profiles Jayden was interested in, make sure they looked trustworthy enough. He wanted to tell Jayden how it had felt, talking to a guy at a bar he was attracted to, a guy who wasn’t Jayden. How it brought back those shaky-legged newborn feelings.I thought, maybe, at times, he was flirting with me. With me, Jay! What do I do with that?!He wanted Luca’s hotness to be something he and Jay bonded over, laughed and blushed about in solidarity instead of discomfort.
But they couldn’t. The tension in Jayden’s face made it clear.
Emerson stood, scratching an elbow.
“Anyway, I’ll keep you updated.”
Jayden breathed, slow and loud, from his nostrils. TheI have more to say, but I’m letting it goexhale.
“Yeah. Yeah, of course.”
