Frantically, he grabbed the broom from where he’d left it in the tack room and swept, as well as he could, a clear circle in the middle of the room. He turned on the speaker, scrolled through his phone with shaking fingers. He’d danced with Jay a hundred times before; he’d never danced with Luca. What song would Luca want to dance to? Luca listened to heavymetal. Which Emerson only knew because Luca had told Daisy that once, and sometimes, when Luca came back to the farm from a delivery to the IGA or whatever other task Emerson had sent him on, Emerson could hear it blasting from his car before Luca cut the engine.
God. Every song on Emerson’s phone suddenly seemed embarrassing. He was out of his depth. He couldn’t believe Luca was sleeping with him.
A throat cleared.
Emerson’s head jerked up, a sharp inhale escaping his throat at the sight of Luca already standing in front of him, hands clasped politely behind his back. How had Emerson not heard him come in? Maybe his blood was pumping too loudly in his ears.
“You, um.” Luca’s cheeks had darkened in a blush. “You don’t have to do this.”
“I want to.” Emerson looked back at his screen, choosing a song at random before putting the phone down next to the abandoned blooms at the edge of the floor. He walked back to Luca, attempting a steadying breath.
“Please. Luca. If it’s okay with you.”
He extended a hand.
“Will you dance with me?”
twenty-three
Later,Emerson wouldn’t be able to remember what song he’d played.
All he remembered was the feeling of Luca in his arms, the strength of Luca’s back against Emerson’s palms, the scratch of his stubble against Emerson’s cheek.
“I missed you,” he breathed into Luca’s neck after a minute of quiet swaying, a minute of Luca’s muscles relaxing against his, of their bodies sinking into the comfort of the other again. There was so much to say, but that was what came out first.
Even if he knew, as the words were escaping his mouth, that it was an absurd thing to say. It hadn’t even been twenty-four hours since they’d last seen each other. But when you spent twelve of those hours wondering if somehow, while you weren’t looking, a person might have slipped out of your life forever, it stuck with you.
“The house was so quiet. I hated it. Where did you sleep?”
“At my parents’,” Luca mumbled. “In my childhood bedroom. It was a peak emo moment for me. I’m sorry.”
Emerson shook his head against Luca’s, smiling. “No. I’m glad you went there. I understand why you left.”
He was still trying to figure out what to say next, how to explain his dance with Jayden to Luca when Luca shifted his head, inched it a bit lower, and kissed the side of Emerson’s neck. Emerson’s breath hitched. He almost felt embarrassed about it—such a small gesture, and his body couldn’t even handle itself. But then Luca extended the kiss, dragging his open mouth, his tongue across Emerson’s skin, moving toward Emerson’s jaw until finally, their lips met, and Emerson remembered he was being honest now. He would make all the embarrassing noises to show Luca how much he wanted him. He would kiss him back like his heart was on fire. Because it was.
Because Luca had beenjealous.Jealous enough that he’d run away to his childhood home, and that meant?—
One of Luca’s hands moved from Emerson’s waist to grip the side of his face; Emerson fisted his hands in the back of Luca’s t-shirt. The slide of Luca’s tongue against his own was slow, purposeful, consuming. Like he was making a statement. It was a sensation Emerson felt himself drowning in, deep and wet and hot, like how it felt when they fucked.
But the more he sank into it, the more he started to lose himself, the more he knew he had to say the rest of it first.
With a shuddering breath, Emerson pulled his mouth away. “Sorry.” He rested his forehead against Luca’s cheek, gathering himself. “I just—let’s sit down, maybe.”
“Yeah.” Luca’s voice was rough, but it still sounded better—less angry—than it had before. Emerson wanted to crawl inside of it. Wanted to pet Luca’s anxieties like a cat until his brain purred with reassurance.
Reluctantly, Emerson stepped back, disentangling limbs. They settled shoulder to shoulder under one of the old barn’s windows.
“Before we do anything else, you deserve to know more about Jayden and me.” Emerson stared down at his clasped hands and willed himself to be brave, even if he knew honesty had the potential to re-activate Skittish Luca. Or worse. “I know it probably seems like I’ve already talked about him a lot. But he’s always going to be a part of my life, so if you want?—”
What did Luca want? Emerson knew what he wanted. Everything. But if he didn’t want Luca to run away again, he should probably slow his roll.
“If you want anything more, with me, you need to know that. Not just because of Daisy, but because…Jay and I were there for each other for so many things.”
Emerson shook his head, feeling overwhelmed as he looked back at it all and tried to tie it to everything he was feeling now.
“I told you how I had learned to be quiet, those last few years living with my parents. But it was almost like I learned too well. When I first met Jay that year I tried college, I was basically feral. Could barely look at or talk to anyone. But somehow Jay saw me. He helped me figure out how to, like, be a person in the world. And the fact that he stuck with me, even after I dropped out—we figured out how to be adults together, you know? Our twenties were really good years. And then moving here, buying the farm. Having Daisy. Everything that came after.”
Emerson took a deep breath.
