one
August
Emerson shouldn’t be here.
It was the height of summer: every day a harvest, every hour something to do. He could almost hear them talk, even from nineteen miles away, the strawberries nestled in the soil, the tomatoes just starting to ripen, the almost-wilting greens, all coalescing into a reprimanding murmur:
You don’t have time for this.
Emerson knew it.
Yet here he was. Sitting alone at the bar anyway.
Even if he had somehow had the time, a single drink made him too sluggish these days for what the early mornings demanded. He knew this, too.
But Ben had texted a few hours ago, something aboutcolor schemesandvibes. It was one of Emerson’s weeks without Daisy. And after Jansel had left for the day, Emerson had started to feel a bit panicky. A bit lonely.
And somehow or another, he’d wound up here.
He felt half daring about it, if he was being honest.Making the irresponsible decision. Choosing distraction over wallowing. Choosing a different way to wallow, at least. He almost wanted to text Jay to tell him.
No, he definitelywanted to text Jayden.See? I’m part of the world.
But he didn’t.
And that made him feel strong. Sort of. Strong wasn’t the right word. Whatever strong in a sad kind of way was.
But anyway, the beer tasted good.
So he wasn’t going to text Jayden tonight, or stress about Ben’s wedding, or think about anything related to Short King Farms and the entire mess it had made of his life. He was thinking about the pint in his hands, the glass cold against his sore palms. He was thinking about the bartender sashaying back and forth behind this bar, wrists strong as he poured and mixed, as he leaned forward to wink at every patron who ambled up to his domain. He made every server who picked up an order from the counter laugh. He was a light in the world, this brave twink bartender of the mid-Oregon Coast, and watching him work made Emerson somehow want to cry.
Emerson was thinking about maybe getting really fucking drunk.
“Probably not the best idea for what you need.”
Startled, Emerson turned to the man who’d apparently sat next to him. Who…well. Was one of the most attractive men Emerson had ever seen.
His dark hair was shorn close to his head. His eyes were equally dark, as was the shadow of stubble along the tanned skin of his jaw, the stretch of neck underneath. His lips were barely tilted in one corner, an almost-smile that made his eyes seem to sparkle. He was staring straight ahead, bringing his own pint to his lips, but Emerson knew the hidden laugh of that quarter-smile was directed at him.
“Pardon?”
The man tilted his chin toward the bartender before placing his beer back on the bar.
“Matt. He’s a fun time, but—” He shrugged. “The look on your face…I don’t know. Just wanted to warn you that you might not find what you’re looking for there.” He took another sip while Emerson’s jaw slowly unhinged. “Then again, maybe having a fun time is exactly what you need. So actually, maybe you should go for it. Matt’s great. You can ignore me. I’m in a weird space.”
Emerson watched the man’s next swallow travel down his throat.
Promise me, Jay had said that day he’d stood on the gravel, his final suitcase in hand,that you’ll talk to people. That you’ll leave here sometimes—he’d motioned toward the fields, the farm, Emerson’s home—and talk to people.
But I talk to Jansel every day,Emerson had replied with a furrow of his brow.And I’ll talk to you each time we swap out Daisy, right?
And Jay had smiled at him, but it was sad. A smile that said Emerson had broken both of their hearts and they would both always know it.
People other than me and Daisy and Jansel, Em.
Emerson looked at the handsome stranger next to him now a moment more. Those eyelashes. Jesus. So long and dark and pretty that Emerson had a hard time thinking about anything else.
But after an indulgent few seconds, he mentally shook himself, and he did. He thought about his berries and his squashes. Measured the anxiety that leaving the chickens and the goats and Sally always gave him, resting in the back of his stomach. Manageable, he thought. He hadn’t been gone too long. And he thought, okay. Okay.Here I am, Jay.
