He ran a hand through his hair, trying to calm the shake in his fingers. He’d been preparing for this, what he would say. He hadn’t seen her again yesterday, even if he kept looking out the window, watching to see if her car had returned to the drive. It hadn’t until late, until the sun had gone down. His chest had finally unclenched when he’d seen her headlights coming up the road, sweeping across the corner of his living room.
And when the hell had that happened? He’d spent three years at the top of that hill precisely so that he could be alone. And there he’d been, unsettled without Mae’s car parked next to his.
“Did I hurt you?” he blurted. It wasn’t how he’d planned to start, but it was what he needed to know most. Even if, with relief, he noted that her face wasn’t bruised, cut anywhere.
She kept her stare level. He felt comforted somehow that she was looking at him at all. That he hadn’t freaked her out enough to be unable to hold his gaze.
“No,” she said. “But you scared me.”
He swallowed. “I’m sorry, Mae. I wasn’t myself.”
“I know,” she said. She was so…calm. A very calm muppet.
And then she added, “I knocked. Loudly. On the glass. I’m sorry for that, too.”
Dell let out a breath. That had been his best guess, but it helped to have it confirmed.
“You shouldn’t have to be sorry for knocking.”
It was a miracle, he now realized, that this hadn’t happened earlier. He had told her, when she’d first moved in, to text if she needed anything, but he should have been clearer.
She merely raised a shoulder.
“Still.”
She was being so understanding.Toounderstanding. Like she already knew there was something wrong with him.
He couldn’t believe, at this point, years later, he couldn’t survive a fucking knock on the door.
But, the rational part of his brain said,when was the last time someone knocked on your door?
He’d given Liv a key, once he knew the Luca situation would be an ongoing thing. She always let herself in quietly through the workshop door. There had been that miserable month he’d attempted to be an Airbnb host, when his awareness of other people on the property had always been on high alert, but that felt like forever ago. And other than that…
Other than that, Dell had never had any visitors.
Until Mae.
“Something fucked up happened to me,” he forced out. “A while ago. So I’m susceptible to triggers now when I get surprised. Which I should have told you when you moved in. That’s on me.”
Mae only nodded. But her eyes appeared to soften.
Her eyes, Dell realized now, seemed puffier than usual. Like she’d had trouble sleeping, too. He frowned.
“Is there anything I can do?” she asked. “To help you now, or in the future?”
“No. I’m usually…slower. At getting things done, afterward. But I’m almost done with this one.” He gestured to the bookshelf behind him. “Want me to install it when it’s ready?”
“The Gutierrez boys are coming back today to fix some of the floorboards inside,” Mae said. “But once the floor is no longer a tripping hazard…absolutely.”
“All right.” Dell scratched his head. He should just let it go, but—“You’re not pissed at me? I know I threw a fucking mug, Mae. You should be pissed at me.”
Mae had been pissed at him for—god, how long had she been here now? A month? It felt longer. Either way, she’d been pissed at him every step of the way for weeks, and now he had done something actually worthy of her ire, and she…what, pitied him? It turned his fucking stomach.
“Oh, I was,” she said easily, and shit, he could’ve kissed her for that.
Which…was not what he should be thinking, right now. Or ever.
“But”—she shrugged again, just as easily—“now I’m not.”
