And sometimes, during some years, two months felt like a very long time.
She was crying too hard to speak.
“I thought a surprise entrance would be romantic,” he murmured into her hair. “But perhaps I misjudged.”
And for a hot second, she was indeed filled with fury. That she hadn’t known he’d been waiting in TSA lines, his big body cramped in airline seats; that he’d been walking through PDX, driving home over the Coastal Range. That she hadn’t been able to worry. Hadn’t been able to anticipate.
“Are you—” Oh god, he smelled so good, felt so good cocooning her, but she had to make sure. Maybe he just needed to get more things from his house to take back to the UP. “Are you actually back?”
“Yeah.” He nuzzled his face into the side of her head. Mae could not believe he was here. “Well, there are some things I have to tell you. But yeah.”
She must have frozen atsome things I have to tell you, because he hugged her a bit tighter. “Mae, I’m back. I came straight here before I even went home,” he said, voice softer. “Figured you’d still be here. Needed to see you before I even saw the dogs, if that helps.”
It did.
She shoved her face into his neck. Rubbed her tears against his sweatshirt.
“Dell. I missed you so much.” She clutched at the fabric. “I tried to tell myself I was holding it together, because I had the store, and it was selfish, needing you, because you had to be with your mom, but Dell—I missed youso much.”
“Mae.” Dell’s voice turned his extra-special version of rough that made Mae’s scalp tingle. “Mae, I missed you, too. I’m so sorry.”
“You don’t have to be sorry. I’m just—” Mae might pass out. “So glad to see you.”
“Me too. You don’t even know. Mae.” Dell pulled back, taking hold of Mae’s shoulders. Trying to look at her. But looking at Dell McCleary’s face was still a little too much for Mae, so she scrunched her eyes closed and looked away. Just for a second. But Dell sighed. “Fuck. I’ve fucked up pretty bad, Mae, haven’t I.” He released her shoulders, running a hand through his hair. “I’m always fucking up with you.”
“No. It’s okay,” Mae tried to unscrunch her eyes to say. To be brave enough to look at him and accept he was actually here. But Dell kept going before she was quite there.
“It was just—it was really hard, Mae, seeing Georgia sick, being back in Michigan, all of it, and…you’re so…Mae, and I thought you’d be okay, busy with the store, and—” Dell sighed once more. “But those are all excuses. I know I could have communicated more. I know I disappeared, like I have a bad habit of doing. I’m so, so sorry.”
“Iamokay!” Mae shouted, wiping furiously at her face. Because fuck—she had to be clear about this. “Iambusy with the store! Which is great, by the way!” Exceptgreatdidn’t even cover it. Mae loved her store. She loved it so much. She was sohappy. She’d have to explain it to Dell better, when more oxygen reached her brain. “I know so many people now. I say hiall the time.Me and Liv have become great dog co-parents, too, I’ll have you know. And my professor called my final projectimpressive, so! So. You texted, and you sent me that book, and I know you did what you could, and I’mfine; I’m good, I just?—”
She couldn’t explain it. That it felt like she was doing the best thing she’d ever done, living the best life she’d ever lived, while simultaneously floating in suspended animation, without him. She wasn’t mad. She just?—
She balled her hands into fists and stomped her foot.
“I justmissedyou!”
“Mae.” Dell’s mouth curved into thatdamnDell smile as he stepped forward, cradling her cheeks in his palms. Mae shivered before she stepped away.
“No.” She shook her head. “Tell me what those things are that you have to tell me, before you kiss me. I need to know what those things are before I climb you like a tree.”
Because she couldn’t float in suspended animation forever.
Dell stepped forward again. Until Mae’s back just about hit the front counter.
“You sure it can’t wait?” he asked, still smiling. “Because jumping to that climbing me like a tree part sounds better to me.”
“I’m—” Mae struggled to take a breath. “I’m not sure of anything at this exact moment.”
And somehow, that finally made Dell’s eyes turn serious again.
“Okay,” he said. And then, “I bought a house in the UP.”
Mae’s body turned to ice.
“But!” Dell held up his hands. “It’s just a second, sometimes house. My home is still here, in the foothills, with you and the dogs. But Georgia’s still getting older. Still has a chance of having another stroke, or a fall, or something else. And”—Dell took a breath—“I’ve finally accepted that she’s staying there in that beautiful frozen tundra and there’s nothing I can do about it. Except make myself drive to PDX and visit her more. So that’s what I hope to do. I’ve been…ignoring a lot of my past, but I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to…” His brow furrowed. His hands cupped the air, like he was holding the world in his hands. “Remember all of it. Hold onto all of it. Be here, and there, as much as I can.”
Cautiously, his hands rested on her face again.
