Luca sighed, dropping his hands.
“I guess not. I mean, it’s a small town. I figured if I heard about you being with anyone else, and you were still coming around, I’d ask you about it. Or…” He raised a shoulder, a small smirk on his lips. Dell breathed in relief at the hint of amusement on those lips, no matter how faint. “Shit, maybe I wouldn’t have asked you, and just kept having you while I could. I don’t know.”
Dell’s brow furrowed.
“But isn’t that…what I’m proposing?”
Luca was quiet again. Before he leaned back and looked directly at Dell, fist propped just below his mouth.
“Mae would be your primary. Right?”
Dell’s mouth gaped open and closed at the terminology coming out of Luca’s mouth so casually. But eventually, he nodded.
“So it feels, to me, like what you’re proposing is that you and Mae get to fall in love, while I get to be your open relationship side hustle experiment.”
Dell couldn’t hold his gaze. He blinked away, eyes suddenly stinging.
“I’m sorry, Luca. I didn’t mean…”
The rest of the words caught in his throat, but they felt obvious.To hurt you.Luca’s tone was even, almost clinical. But it was impossible to not hear anger in the actual words.
Except…wait. What was happening here? Why was Luca getting to act offended? They had met once a month for exactly one thing for a long time now. Luca had never offered anything more than that. Had never even seemed towantto. He had iced Dell out just as much as Dell had iced him out. So yeah, maybe Dell didn’t actually understand how he was the bad guy here.
“If youwantmore than this, Luca…listen, I’m not opposed. I…” Dell stopped himself to gather the right words.Honesty, that was what he’d read over and over this week. This kind of shit only worked when everyone was honest. “I haven’t been opposed to that for a while.”
Luca took a long, audible breath. His knee bounced, until Dell could see him make himself stop.
“I think…that might be what freaks me out,” he eventually said. Dell turned to him, a lick of…something stirring in his chest. “If we were all just fucking each other—fucking you, I guess—it’d be one thing. But something about…approaching it this way, all open and honest…” Luca laughed a little. “Maybe I’m just not equipped for that level of maturity, or something, but it’s hard not to see it all leading to deeper feelings, and…”
Luca’s mouth opened and closed a few times, before he finally met Dell’s gaze.
“You already have those deeper feelings with Mae, right?”
Dell swallowed. “I think so.”
Luca looked away again.
“I think it’d be best for everyone if you just let yourself have those feelings, Dell. I fear I would just…muck everything up. You deserve a good thing.”
“You deserve a good thing, too, Luca,” Dell said, voice quiet.
Luca raised a noncommittal shoulder, let it fall.
“I’m sorry I can’t let it be this.”
“Yeah.” Dell cleared his throat, interlocked his fingers over his stomach. Finally accepting Luca’s answer. “I get it. Sorry. I just…got excited about the possibility, I guess.”
“I mean.” Luca adopted a similar position, crossing his arms over his chest. He settled deeper into the chair, a smile lifting his mouth. “I get it, too, Dell. Getting to fuck two people you like? I’m just sorry I can’t give that to you.”
“Oh god.” Dell covered his face with his hands, chest suddenly full of laughter. “Do you think I’m an asshole? Have I just…made this the worst breakup of all time, or something?”
“Nah.” Luca’s grin turned bittersweet. “I didn’t give you much to break up with, Dell. I know that, too.”
For the first time in what felt like a while, Dell picked up his beer again.
“I didn’t, either,” he said.
Except…part of him wanted to keep pushing. This conversation was never going to be easy, but this conclusion they’d somehow come to didn’t feel exactly right. Mae: feelings. Luca: sex. Like Luca was trying to fit them into little boxes so this split would make more sense.
