“Lex”—Ben slipped a hand underneath Alexei’s shirt—“what do you want tonight?”
Ben could feel Alexei’s heart, pounding against his fingertips.
“I want you to be inside me.”
Ben groaned. “Say that again.”
“I want you inside of me,” Alexei whispered.
The thing was, Ben was already there.
Ben dropped his hands and took a step back, leaving them both unsteady. He ran a hand into his hair.
“We should shower. You can go first; I have to answer some texts. But—” Ben turned Alexei around, kissing him hard. “Don’t touch yourself when you’re in there, okay?” Another kiss to that flushed, ruggedly adorable face. “Save it all for me.”
***
Alexei waited on the enormous bed as Ben took his turn in the shower. He felt…what was a good word for this? Wanton, maybe. It was a little obscene, lying there naked and open on top of the covers. He tried to make his limbs languid, his posture relaxed, even as his insides burned.
He had never felt wanton before. He had never done obscene.
He was trying it out.
It wasn’t half bad.
In truth, something had been unlocked in him ever since last night in Ben’s tent. When he had said things out loud he’d barely even let himself think before. When Ben had jumped out of his sleeping bag, making Alexei laugh. Alexei had craved that. The feeling of letting go.
Still. Alexei wanted to savor tonight. He had tochill.
He tried thinking about his old Russian schoolteacher, with her severe, judgmental face, her thick wool sweaters, her complete lack of smile lines.
Even then, his mind started to stray. He wondered if Ms. Chernyshevskaya had been hiding any secret kinks. What ifeveryone was hiding secret kinks.
Okay, okay. He closed his eyes and tried to think about…blisters. And rattlesnakes. Scorpions. Bears! Which Alexei still had yet to encounter, but that only made their looming threat even more pressing. There was also the threat of heatstroke, Alexei reminded himself. And insect stings. And…Ben’s calves. Ben’s face when he fell asleep, his sleeping bag scrunched around him, a bundled-up mess of dark eyelashes and long hair.
Ben—right now. On top of Alexei before Alexei had even realized he was in the room, body still damp from the shower, face freshly shaven, hair tied up in a high knot. His mouth on Alexei’s mouth, soft but urgent, and Alexei forgot what he’d been thinking about. Let his brain shut off once more so he could give his body over to Ben, Ben, Ben.
“Damn,” Ben removed his lips to say. “This bed is a thousand million times better than a tent. Let’s stay here forever.”
“Okay,” Alexei agreed.
They kissed until Alexei felt soft and pliable. They kissed until Alexei felt hard and on fire. They kissed until Alexei felt both at once.
Ben eventually crawled away, reaching for the bedside table. He picked up his phone to put on music before grabbing the supplies: condoms, lube, a towel he laid underneath them. The music that filled the room from the phone’s tiny speaker was quiet and folksy, set at a volume low enough to be soothing.
“Here’s what we’re going to do.” Ben rested at Alexei’s side, propped on an elbow. His fingers traced down Alexei’s chest and Alexei shivered, feeling exposed, wanting Ben covering him again. “We’re going to go slow. Until you tell me to not go slow anymore. And if you don’t like where things are going, just tell me. The only thing I care about is what you like, and there’s no gay rule that says you have to like penetration.”
Alexei blushed at Ben’s forwardness, at the conflicted feeling inside his chest. His slight frustration, again, that Ben had to talk him through all this.
He almost opened his mouth to say something, to tell Ben to trust him, that he knew what he wanted, even if his only previous time doing this hadn’t been great. But then Ben nudged Alexei’s legs open wider with his foot and ran a hand down and up the inside of Alexei’s thigh, and Alexei’s words curled up in his throat.
He grabbed Ben’s face with both hands instead, brought him back down to him, tried to express his enthusiastic consent with his tongue. Ben shifted back on top of him, and Alexei sighed, pushing his hips into Ben’s comforting weight.
Long-distance hiking involved endless hours of being weighed down, literally, by the pack on your shoulders, by your body battling the elements without respite. But here, their packs on the floor, safe within the confines of walls, the pressure of only Ben’s body felt like a gift.
“Alexei,” Ben broke a kiss to say, running a hand through Alexei’s hair, andoh, Alexei wished he did that more often, andmph, a small thrill always rushed through him now when Ben used his full name. Which he only ever did when he was serious about something. “I want you to talk to me. I want you to tell me what feels good, okay?”
“Everything about you feels good,” Alexei replied, and Ben grinned.
