“It’s a bit up the highway, and it would push us back a few miles if we stayed there; we’re not scheduled for another zero until—”
“Lebedev!” Ben pushed Alexei’s shoulder. Alexei fell against the side of the tent. “You’re telling me there’s an opportunity to sleep in abedless than a day away? Who cares about miles!”
Okay, so he’d recently literally reminded himself he should care about miles. But still.Beds.
“Yeah.” Ben could hear the smile in Alexei’s voice. “Okay.” And then, after a long pause, “So”—hilariously,anotherthroat clearing—“when we’re at this hotel. You had mentioned that, uh—”
Ben propped himself on an elbow, fully alert now. “Yes?”
“That what we did in Big Bear City was only the beginning. Of what you wanted to do.” Alexei twisted his pen between his fingers. “With me.”
“Uh-huh.” Ben grinned. Alexei scowled. Which looked much more menacing in the exaggerated shadows cast by his headlamp. Ben laughed, shuffling himself closer.
“Well,” Alexei spluttered, exasperated. “Would you care to extrapolate?”
Ben laughed harder, shoving his face into Alexei’s shoulder.
“Oh, Lex,” he said. “Would I.”
Alexei made a noise of displeasure in his throat. Ben collected himself after a moment, pulling back.
“But maybe”—he tilted his head—“you should tell me whatyouwant to do at this hotel, Lex.”
Alexei only scowled harder. But eventually, he took a deep breath.
And Alexei did as asked.
Ben had been pretty good up until this point, he thought.
The truth was, when he’d given Alexei that speech about boundaries back at the hot springs, he’d been half saying it for himself.
Ben knew, when he truly thought about it, that boundaries were what he had been missing when it came to relationships. He let them take over his life. He needed…balance. Balance, maybe, would make him better when he got back home. Better at focusing on his career and his family. Better at being an adult.
And so he’d tried to act like his heart wasn’t melting when Alexei had looked up at him in that hot spring with such affection in his eyes. He had been letting Alexei initiate almost every touch since then, waiting for Alexei’s cues.
But it had been a great day. And tonight, Ben simply felt so happy. He didn’t think too much about balance. About what would happen after the trail. About whether having Alexei Lebedev inside his tent was a mistake. Because Alexei wasn’t Robbie or Hugh or Wyatt or any of the men Ben had dated before. Alexei was a butterfly, just emerging from his chrysalis, and he was showing Ben his wings. Ben couldn’t turn away from that. Like every Joshua tree, every flowering cactus, every strange bug and fascinating rock formation Ben had been lucky enough to witness on this trail so far, he could only cherish it.
And he couldn’t stop hearing Julie’s voice again as he watched Alexei’s blushing face in the dark.It’s not a bad decision to be happy.
So eventually, Ben leaped out of his sleeping bag. Let Alexei’s beard scratch his skin, ran his hands wherever Alexei allowed them to go, which was pretty near everywhere. They could not accomplish everything Alexei had listed; most of it would have to wait for the hotel. There was no room, and they were dirty, and it was dark and cold. Alexei deserved a bed.
None of this was ideal at all in a small tent, but that night, they made do.
Chapter Eighteen
While Mo’s mountain cabin motel back in Big Bear City had barely had a lobby, Cajon Pass Inn was legit. Two employees stood behind the smooth countertop of the front desk. This was a hotel with a pool, a hot tub. This was a hotel with a cleaning staff.
A hotel with king beds.
One of which Ben had just requested from a smiley man named Aaron, according to his name tag.
Alexei made a choking sound behind him.
Ben bit his lip on a grin. Alexei had made similar noises fifteen minutes ago when Ben purchased condoms and lube at the Circle K next door. Ben hadn’t packed any for the PCT, because, well, he wasn’t supposed to be doing this. And while the selection had been subpar, he was so thrilled to find supplies at the Circle K at all that saving Alexei from embarrassment had been low on his priority list. Plus, Alexei was so cute when he blushed.
“We do have one available,” Aaron said. “How long will you be staying?”
Ben slapped the counter, his grin escaping. “Just for the night, please.”
