“And is that all you need? To be a nurse?”
“Technically, along with some type of degree, but Lex…”Ben leaned forward onto his forearms. “I had to work harder than I’ve ever worked on anything during that nursing program. I almost failed pharmacology. When I was doing my prereqs, before I applied, I had to take A&P twice. What if…”Ben paused. And then he finally said it. “What if I’m not evengoodat it?”
“Bullshit,” Alexei said, sharp and immediate.
It was so shocking that Ben’s eyes widened, his mind stuttering to a halt.
And then he started to laugh. After a second, so did Alexei.
“Damn,” Ben said, tension draining out of his system. “That was a beautiful curse, Lex.”
“Thank you.”
Alexei took a sip of his margarita, his cheeks flaring pink. But he was smiling.
“When you told me why you wanted to be a nurse,” he said after he’d placed the margarita back on the table, “that time we met that old guy on the trail, Thistlewhistle or whatever, you were so passionate and eloquent about it. You are better with people than anyone I’ve ever met before. It’s magic, how you make everyone around you so comfortable.”
Alexei was doing a funny, wavy gesture with his arms Ben had never seen him do before. Ben had never seen Alexei talk this animatedly before at all, about anything. Even birds.
Ben found himself holding his breath. This dinner, so far, was not going at all how he’d expected.It’s magic, he repeated to himself.
“Who cares about your test scores?” Alexei went on, sounding almost angry. Defiant. “If I’m sick, or in pain, or someone I love is, I’m not going to care whether the nurse who’s helping me has a master’s degree or not. I would just want…someone like you.”
Alexei dropped his hands to the table. Dropped his eyes back to his food.
Ben knew he had felt lots of foolish things over the years, especially when it came to attractive men.
But he was pretty certain, right then, that he’d never felt so lovesick in his life.
For many moments, he didn’t know what to say. Eventually, he picked up his fork, returned to his abandoned burrito.
“Thanks, Lex,” he said quietly to his plate. And then, after a beat, “Sorry. Apparently being on the PCT makes me a lightweight. Although I’m not usually a morose drunk, so I don’t know what’s happening.”
“It’s cool, Ben,” Alexei said, light and casual and entirely comforting. “It’s cool.”
Chapter Ten
Silence settled over Ben and Alexei as they finished their meals, as it so often settled over them on the trail.
But Alexei found he didn’t want the silence here, in this bright restaurant where the food was rich and spicy and delicious and Alexei was finally hungry enough to truly taste it, and Ben Caravalho was open and uncertain and beautiful.
The truth was, Alexei had felt melancholy about Big Bear City ever since he’d realized, yesterday, that they could easily finishAlannahere.
Alexei would say good-bye here.
It felt right, if bittersweet. Tomorrow, during the zero, Alexei would explain himself. He really was getting too attached to Ben, in a way that was starting to feel disconcerting. There would be other hikers in town Ben could meet up with, new trail families to keep him company. Alexei would return to his plan.
But tonight, as Alexei indulged in the sweet alcohol and the filling food of this restaurant, as he listened to Ben spill new, surprising truths, something flushed and freeing spooled down Alexei’s spine. Maybe it was the tequila. But his melancholy steadily faded away, replaced by a funny tingle, buzzing underneath Alexei’s skin. A different buzz than the one that normally rested there, that made him want to hide away. This buzz felt like his brain cells expanding, discovering new territory. Like he could open his mouth and ask anything and it would be okay.
Another nugget from Ben’s revelations snapped in his memory, delayed but important.
“You said you had an aunt who was sick? That’s why you wanted to be a nurse?”
As soon as the questions hung in the air, Alexei knew this probably wasn’t quite the cheery kickstart this conversation needed.
But amazingly, Ben seemed to relax a little.
“Yeah. Alzheimer’s. It runs in my family—my grandmother, my mom’s mom, died of it before I was born. My aunt started to show signs about five years ago. Her husband had left a long time ago, and her only kid, my cousin Alice, had moved to Chattanooga and was busy with her own family. So my aunt was kind of alone, other than having my mom. Alice was super stressed about all of it, not being there enough. But I was around, so”—Ben shrugged—“I helped.”
