Alexei’s eyes were fully open now, that crease deep in his forehead, shoulders tight.
“What about Nashville? All your people are there. Wait. What are you saying?”
“I’m saying I want to be with you.”
“I want to be with you, too, Ben, but—” Alexei shook his head. “I couldn’t take you away from the place you love, from the people you love.”
“That’s the thing, though,” Ben said. “You wouldn’t be. I’ve talked it out with them, and Ma has assured me that what she and Dad want, more than anything, is for me to live my own life. She’s felt guilty, apparently, ever since my aunt Birdie got sick, that I helped so much with her instead of doing ‘young people things,’ as she put it. Point is, Ma and Julie and everyone, they’ve made sure I know that even if I don’t stay in Nashville forever, they’ll always be my home. Just like I told you that you’d always have a home there. And I do plan on staying there until I’m done with my residency at Lakeview, because I don’t want to let Ted down, and I want to see it through for myself.”
He took another deep breath.
“I thought the PCT would be this one last adventure to get my restlessness out of my system. But Lex, ever since leaving the trail, I just feel it even more.”
He found Alexei’s hands, gathered them in his own.
“I want new adventures, Alexei, and I want them with you. The beauty of it is, people need good nurses everywhere. And I know it now, that I’m a good nurse. I would’ve followed you anywhere, if you would’ve let me, but I really am glad you’re staying here. Because I’ve only been here a day, but I can already tell it’s special. I can’t wait to get to know it, know all the things you love about it. I mean,” Ben reeled himself in, “if that would be okay with you.”
“Ben.” Alexei’s voice sounded funny. When Ben finally let himself focus on Alexei’s face again, he realized Alexei was crying. “Literally nothing in the world could make me happier. Ben, please, come to Portland. You’ll love it.”
“And you don’t mind that you’ll have to wait a year or so for me to finish the residency in Nashville?”
“Ben,” Alexei said again. “I’ve been waiting my whole life to find you. One more year is nothing.”
Well. Now Ben was finally crying, too.
“Honestly.” Alexei brought a hand to Ben’s face, wiped away a tear with his thumb. “That might be for the best anyway. I still have a lot to work out for myself. The trail has helped, but I want to go to therapy, too. I have to find a new job. And I might try to find a new church.”
“That’s great, Alexei,” Ben said, trying to discreetly wipe away snot with his sleeve. “We can talk about it, how casual or not casual you’d want to be while we’re apart. We could do visits, like you said.”
Alexei’s eyes lit up, his hands curling in Ben’s shirt. God, Ben could pass out with happiness when Alexei’s eyes looked like that. “Yeah? Like I could come to Nashville again?”
Ben laughed at the excitement in Alexei’s voice.
“Of course you could, Lex. And I’ll come here when I can; you can start showing me around.”
Alexei smiled, bigger than Ben had possibly ever seen him smile before. “Cool,” he said, and Ben’s heart melted.
“Te amo, Alexei,” he whispered.
“Te amo, Benedito.”
Ben’s grin sparked across his face. “Oh, you said thatgood, Lex.” He pinched Alexei’s side.
“Thank you.” Alexei blushed. And then, “I can’t believe this is real.”
“Me neither,” Ben said. “Honestly, I was so stressed the whole time Alina and I were waiting for you to get here, I’m amazed I didn’t pass out while I was setting this up. It’s possible I could still fall asleep at any moment here, just as a warning.”
Alexei laughed. But after a moment, his laughter died away.
“I’d like to hear more about Robbie,” he said, voice quiet. Measured. “Someday. If you’re able to tell me more.”
“Yeah.” Ben released a slow sigh. “Sort of figured that.”
After a beat, Alexei said, “Let me see the tattoo again.”
Ben yanked his sleeve up once more. Alexei cradled Ben’s arm in both hands, running his fingers along the bird’s feathers. Ben sucked in a breath. “I’m glad you like it.”
“I fucking love it,” Alexei said. And then he grinned, and blushed, and Ben’s insides exploded.
