“Can you talk to me? Please? Get mad at me? At least look at me? Something?”
Strangely enough, Alexeididfeel himself getting a little mad. If Ben called himLexone more time, he might explode.
After a long moment, he heard Ben sigh.
“Tomorrow, before all the graduation stuff starts…”Ben’s voice was soft now, close to defeated. “Will you let me take you on a date, Alexei? A real one? Please. I’ll make it nice, I promise. I’ll…”
Ben trailed off. Alexei’s neck started to feel sore. He realized he had been clenching his muscles, his shoulders bunched, his hands curled into fists in his pockets.
He waited. For Ben to finish, for this miserable night to be over.
But Ben didn’t speak again. Alexei turned only when he heard the soft rumble of Ben’s snore.
He was slumped over on the bed, body twisted, legs still hanging over the side from where he had been sitting moments before. His mouth was open, his cheek smashed onto the pillow.
So here’s kind of a weird thing about me, Alexei remembered Ben’s words from that morning so long ago, after the coyotes.Sometimes, when I’m really stressed, I…fall asleep.
Alexei slumped with relief. He was glad Ben’s body had taken over. That he had stopped talking. That he looked relaxed. At peace.
He didn’t have the capacity to truly examine everything his heart felt about Ben Caravalho right then, but he knew, on a cellular level, that he always wanted Ben to be at peace.
And now, Alexei had to move quickly. And quietly. He did not want to wake Ben. But Alexei was good at being quiet.
He had not felt it when he met that first rattlesnake, back in the desert. When he first met Ben.
But now, all his body could feel—the only thing his mind understood—was the need for flight.
He gathered his things from the bathroom.
He folded the new clothes he had bought at the mall, left them in a neat pile on top of the washer. Maybe Tiago could use them; they were about the same size.
He stared at the pocket Portuguese-English dictionary he had purchased earlier today at Parnassus Books.
He had hoped Ben could help him with the pronunciations.
At the last minute, he stuffed it into his pack.
Carefully, he zipped the last zipper. He eased the pack onto his shoulders, making sure his trekking poles didn’t clang together.
He allowed himself one last look at Ben. He had shifted onto his back in sleep, one arm hanging over the edge of the bed, one resting on his chest. His face was turned away from where Alexei stood, his jawline smooth in the dim light of the room.
Alexei went upstairs.
He was grateful Ben’s parents still had a landline. Mindful not to bump into anything in the dark, he made his way to the old peach-colored phone in the small nook in the corner of the kitchen.
He dialed 411. He picked up a piece of junk mail from the counter to confirm the address. He asked the taxi not to honk, told them he would be waiting.
He didn’t linger. Didn’t take another look at the family photos on the walls.
Alexei walked out of the small but well-lived-in home of Iris and Luiz Caravalho, and waited for a taxi to take him to the airport. He counted the minutes until he could fly back to the single-track trail where he belonged, a wilderness he understood, a place for his heart to finally learn to protect itself, where he could once again be alone.
II
Kennedy Meadows
to Cascade Locks
Miles 702 to 2,153
