“Just started this one last week,” Luiz said as he sat next to Alexei on the couch, placing the box of unused pieces between them.
It was a grid of vintage posters advertising America’s national parks. Alexei had completed one almost exactly like it before. The Lebedevs loved a national park.
For a few minutes, Alexei focused on Rita Hayworth and Gene Kelly, hoping the panic threading through his veins would subside. He could watch the movie. Luiz didn’t seem to mind that he wasn’t working on the puzzle. This was okay.
But out of the corner of his eye, he could see the piece that completed the top of Half Dome in the poster for Yosemite. He had seen it ever since Luiz opened the box. Luiz was happily working on the poster for Big Bend in the opposite corner, oblivious.
That piece would not leave Alexei alone.
Eventually, he picked it up. He clicked it into place. Like every puzzle piece Alexei had ever successfully placed, it was satisfying. He picked up another.
“That’s a good man,” Luiz said with a smile. He reached over and gave Alexei’s shoulder a small squeeze before returning to his own part of the puzzle.
It was just like how Ben had reached over to squeeze his mother’s shoulder while they were looking at the slideshow of pictures that first day, when they had sat on this same couch.
Like Ben’s friends, the Caravalhos were always touching each other.
Life with the Caravalhos felt so easy.
Alexei held the next puzzle piece in his hand.
His mind quietly stepped outside of his body.
And suddenly everything felt wrong.
Suddenly, any hints of comfort or familiarity he had felt these past few days seemed obvious for what they were. Tricks of the mind. Small fantasies.
This wasn’t his life. He wasn’t a Caravalho.
And he couldn’t quite grasp why he was trying so hard to be one.
Alexei Lebedev didn’t belong in Nashville, Tennessee. He belonged in the Northwest.
And he wanted to do this puzzle with his mom.
He let the piece in his hand drop to the table.
He had been play-acting, pretending this life could be his own. Like just because his own family had left him, he could walk right into the first friendly one he met. Shame curdled inside his stomach.
It didn’t matter that the Caravalhos were welcoming and warm. That wasn’t how this worked. They weren’t his. They would only ever be Ben’s.
“You okay, hon?” Iris looked up from her book, brow creased. “You look a little funny.”
Alexei swallowed. He needed to get out of this room, and quickly, yet he didn’t want to appear rude.
“I’m not feeling very well all of a sudden,” he managed to say.
Iris frowned.
“I hope it wasn’t the casserole; it seemed to sit well with everyone last night.”
“No, no,” Alexei said, already standing. “Ben and I got some ice cream earlier. Maybe that’s it. Or maybe I’m just tired. I’m so sorry; it’s hit me all at once.”
“Of course,” Iris said, her face smoothing back into comforting reassurance. “Gosh, this has all been a whirlwind for you, I imagine. And you and Bento are working yourselves so hard out there on the trail; I should have demanded you two take a day just to sleep.”
“Sorry about the movie,” Alexei said. He felt his head nodding nonsensically, unable to stop.
“No problem.” Luiz waved a hand. “We’ll finish it another day.”
