“I feel like ‘Daddy London’ is a phrase I’m not supposed to hear,” Julie said.
“Yes,” London agreed. “Let’s all pretend that never happened.”
“Oh my God.” Ben leaned down to the floor, where Dahlia had placed the furry, profoundly ugly dog. “He’s amazing.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t—” Dahlia warned as Ben reached out a hand. Schnitzel growled. “He needs some time to warm up to strangers sometimes.”
“I helped name him,” Julie said, smug, as she scooped the dog up in her arms. “London hates it,” she said in a similarly loud whisper as Dahlia had used.
“I don’thate—” London pinched the bridge of their nose with a sigh. “It’s just a little…off-putting.”
“Why didn’t he growl at you?” Ben asked, a bit indignant.
“We love each other,” Julie stated. And to London, “People name their pets after foods all the time.”
“Yes, but normally it’s like, Waffles. Something cute and fluffy. Not an ugly piece of fried meat.”
Julie gasped. “Don’t listen to what they say about you,” she whispered to Schnitzel. Schnitzel stared back at her with the same dead-eyed look he’d given Alexei.
“Good Lord.” London turned to Alexei with a sigh. “Anyway.” They nodded toward the piano. “It’s all yours,” they said, voice gentling. “Get it warmed up.”
And so Alexei did, while the rest of the group bickered about Schnitzel and consumed snacks around the kitchen island. A small pattering of butterflies took flight in Alexei’s stomach as he sat on the padded bench, as he lifted the lid and ran his fingertips over the cool keys. It had been so long. And he didn’t think he had ever played an instrument as fine as this one.
It also felt immediately familiar. It felt a little like coming home.
Soon, too soon, Dahlia, London, and Julie had pulled up chairs to be closer to the piano, munching on cheese and crackers and grapes. Ben leaned against the brick wall behind the piano.
He had been quiet since his phone call at the end of brunch, and Alexei was curious as to who had been on the other end of the line. But he smiled at Alexei now, stuffing his hands in his pockets, and it was the reassurance Alexei needed.
“Um,” Alexei said when he realized he had everyone’s full attention. “I feel like Ben misled you with the ‘Wonderwall’ story. I actually don’t have much popular music knowledge. All I really know is…churchy stuff.”
“Churchy stuff is okay, Lex,” Ben said quietly.
London nodded in agreement. “All music is music.”
Alexei closed his eyes and thought about the keys under his fingers. This felt different than Big Bear City, when alcohol and bravado had taken over his system and he’d borrowed that guy’s guitar. Sitting in this apartment, surrounded by people Ben loved, people Alexei could see himself loving one day, too, about to play the music he’d played back when he thought he knew where he belonged—this felt even more intimate and frightening. More real.
When he opened his eyes, he felt Ben’s gaze on him, steady and loving. He found himself thinking about Alina. She had always loved listening to him play. He thought about how it always felt, playing the piano at church. How it made him feel like he was doing something important. How even if the rules of his faith often made him feel constricted, bound to a world that possibly didn’t want him, possibly didn’t believe he could be made of goodness and light, too, when the music started, it unraveled all the ugliness and made it beautiful. Made it okay to feel whatever Alexei needed to feel.
Alexei rested his hands on London’s piano, and he began to play.
He wasn’t sure how long he played, blending one hymn into another, but he played long enough that he almost forgot where he was, who he was, resting in that perfect, weightless space music took him to when he got it right, that space that always felt closest to God.
When he stopped, he blinked, looking up. His face flushed as self-awareness returned. But all the other faces around him were smiling. Ben tilted his head at him, eyes crinkling.
“That was lovely,” Dahlia said, her voice hushed, like she didn’t want to break the spell.
Alexei looked down, pleased, until he felt Ben’s arms wrap around him from behind. He let himself absorb this moment, in this place with these people, and he had to agree.
It was lovely.
Chapter Twenty-Three
You sure you’re okay with this?” Ben asked as he picked up the keys to his Jeep. “Sorry to abandon you. I swear this wasn’t in the plans.”
“And I swear I’m fine.” Alexei tried to reassure him with a smile. “Go. Your sister needs you.”
Ben nodded, lips set in a grim line, and walked out the door to where Carolina waited on the drive.
