The other guys had to work, but Orin and Odin made sure to take off to be there for support, and so I am not alone in case we get any bad news. Which is new, since I’ve never had anyone to come to these appointments with me before. I’m so freaking worried one or both of the babies won’t have a heartbeat this time. My anxiety attacks have been so bad and nearly constant.
I thought all the therapy that I did the six months after Corin died had helped, going four times a week until we moved. After the guys came into my life, I haven’t had a lot of episodes. However, since the shooting, then finding out I’m pregnant, everything has been triggering me.
It’s crazy the difference it makes when you have partners who support, care for, and understand you. Corin would laugh when he provoked me, anytime I flinched, or had a panic attack because he thought it was so funny. All the guys make sure to be super mindful of all my negative stimuli; they hold me when I have a panic attack and snuggle me when I wake up with nightmares. It’s been hard getting used to it, but I’ll never take it for granted.
We are sitting in the waiting room, one twin on each side of me, and I can say we are getting lots of crazy looks since they are both holding one of my hands.
“Babygirl, stop bouncing. It’s going to be fine. The twins will be perfect. Take a deep breath and try to relax. I know it’s easier said than done, but you don’t want your blood pressure to be too high and have to be put in the hospital before Thanksgiving,” Odin says softly, putting his hand on my knee.
A scoff comes from across the room where an older couple is sitting, and the woman is glaring at us. I’m sure we make quite the sight,with each of us having multiple tattoos, piercings, and the fact my hair is now a dark blue. Grinning at her, I lean to kiss both guys softly, then turn and wink at her which causes both of them to chuckle.
Before she can make any further remarks, the door to the back opens. “Isla Aaron?” a nurse calls out. When her gaze roams over the guys, her whole face lights up. She’s pretty and young, most likely right out of school, with long, ash blonde hair and pretty, big, blue, doe eyes. Even though she’s my height, she’s small and with curves in all the right places. It makes me feel frumpy with my wide hips, no longer perky breasts, and stretch marks and scars on what seems like every inch of my skin.
I can feel my shoulders hunch down, and I start retreating into myself. Anytime another woman showed interest in Corin he would rub it in my face and would flirt in front of me, not caring if he hurt my feelings or not, so I automatically brace for it as we stand up to follow her out of the waiting room.
After taking my weight and vitals, she leads us down the hall. “Ms. Aaron, if you would take this cup and give us a urine sample? You can put your name and birthdate on it and set it in that little window there. I’ll show your brothers—” She pauses for a minute to give the guys a saucy smile. “To room four. Right this way, gentlemen.” She points down the hall, but instead of following her, Orin grabs my hand and gives me a mind blowing kiss. Odin swoops in after he pulls away, then winks as he turns to follow the now frowning nurse.
I do my business, put the cup on the ledge, wash my hands, and head to meet the guys. It’s a surprisingly big room. On the far wall is a large window with three chairs below it. We are on the third floor facing the outside of the building, overlooking a park across the street.
There is the typical exam room bed to the left with the ultrasound machine next to it. On the opposite wall is a big fifty-five inch TV, and the room is painted a pretty lilac with different shades of purple flowers all over. White cabinets are beside the TV with a sink and more cabinets underneath. It’s super clean and nice.
The nurse is still in there talking to the guys who look less than happy. She turns to me when I walk in and tosses me a gown and a paper cover. I’m still really sore from, you know, being shot, so I jerk to grab them from falling to the ground.
I hiss out in pain at the abrupt movement and both of my guys jump up and rush to my side. “Darlin, are you okay?” Orin asks, helping me over to the bed. I nod at him, trying to catch my breath.
“I want a different nurse in here now because I know very damn well in her file it states she was just fucking shot. In what world did you get your degree that says it’s okay to throw shit at a patient, much less one recovering from a gunshot?!” Odin is seething at this point.
The doctor walks in then, and I'm sure it’s because he heard all the screaming. He’s an older man, I’d say around late forties based on his salt and pepper hair. Soft green eyes with lines in the corners show he smiles a lot. However, he doesn’t look like he’s smiling now.
“What the hell is going on here!” he booms out.
“Well, he just started yelling at me for no reason!” the nurse simpers.
“No reason? Yeah, right.” Odin glares at her, then turns to face the doctor. “First, she kept flirting with me and my brother in front of our woman and was rudely dismissive of her despite the fact that she’s the patient, then she tossed the gown at her which caused her to pull her stitches since she was just fucking shot! All this happened because we told her we weren’t interested in getting her phone number,” Odin informs the doctor.
“Sarah, that behavior is completely unacceptable. You have been warned once already that is not appropriate. You’re fired. Get your things and go,” he tells her sternly.
When she leaves the room in a huff, the doctor turns to me and the twins. “I’m Dr. Smith. I am so sorry about her. She will not be a problem again. I’ll walk out and let you get changed. I’m going to grab your chart as well.”
Orin helps me change into the gown and get on the bed, then they both get settled in the chairs.
There is a knock on the door, then the doctor walks back in with another nurse. “Alright, Isla, this is Rachel. She’s going to assist me while I do the pap, then we will do the ultrasound, and we can go over any questions and concerns you have. Does that sound good?” he asks while getting his gloves on.
“Yeah, that’s fine.” I lay back on the bed and scoot down to the end, placing my feet in the stirrups without direction. After a couple minutes of the very unpleasantness of my cervix being poked and prodded, the doctor says he’s done and helps me sit up.
“How many pregnancies have you had in total?” he asks with a weird look on his face.
“Uhh, this pregnancy makes six. I had an ectopic in twenty-fourteen, stillbirth in twenty-fifteen, my oldest son in twenty-sixteen, my middle son in twenty-eighteen, then my daughter in twenty-twenty.” I’m looking down at my hands.When will talking about losing my first two babies get easier?
“Well, your cervix shows a lot of scarring,” he pauses and looks over at the twins. “Would you like to talk privately?'' he asks softly.
“No, sir, they are fine to stay. I’m comfortable with them,” I reply, smiling at my two amazing guys.
“Okay, well the scaring is common with repetitive sexual abuse. Now, that doesn’t mean you won’t have a healthy pregnancy, but it can cause some issues like bleeding and preterm labor. However, you’re having twins so you will most likely not go past thirty-six or thirty-seven weeks anyway.”
“Umm…” I glance at the guys and take a deep breath and look back at Dr. Smith. “My ex husband was physically and sexually abusive. He caused my still birth and raped me constantly for years,” I tell him, trying not to cry.
“I would say I’m sorry to hear that, but I know those words don’t mean much. I hate that that happened, and I seriously hope he was held accountable for his actions,” he tells me sincerely.
